Under Cover Lovers

I'm sure when you saw the title of this entry your mind immediately went the "wrong way." However, I want to speak to the importance of spiritual intimacy in relationships. How sweet is it to be "under cover" by your mate? How wonderful is it to know that he/she is constantly praying for (or covering you?) 


I am of the opinion that spiritual intimacy is as important (if not more) as any physical intimacy that people in a relationship can share. Joseph Walker write a book entitled "Love & Intimacy: Five Ways to Get Together and Stay Together." In this book he breaks down the things that are important in order establish a healthy relationship and ultimately marriage. In the section called "Biblical Blueprint for Relationships" he says, "Too many people are getting into relationships with people who are not on their spiritual level." I couldn't agree with this any more! Knowing that I can spend time with God and my mate at the same time is a very wonderful feeling. It provides security. Being able to see him vulnerable with God provides peace in knowing that when he can't he knows someone who will and can. Knowing that he is mature enough to surrender to Him is comforting. Knowing that we can talk to God about each other while with each other is a form of lovemaking that can never be replaced with sex or a "worldly" attempt at satisfaction.  


While I understand that the Bible challenges us to spend personal time with God, I've always wondered why some men and women hold an affair like relationship with God. They give him traits that we would equate with a mistress. Whenever God calls they run off to a closet to talk to Him. If God does something amazing for them they don't share it with their mate. The great feelings that God plants in their spirit they keep to themselves. 


Matthew 18:20 says, "Take this most seriously: A yes on earth is yes in heaven; a no on earth is no in heaven. What you say to one another is eternal. I mean this. When two of you get together on anything at all on earth and make a prayer of it, my Father in heaven goes into action. And when two or three of you are together because of me, you can be sure that I'll be there." This also applies to relationships. Whether married or dating you are still children of God and as such when the two of you agree and pray together God begins to move in your lives collectively. We spend a lot of time planning dates, weddings, our lives, and so on with the one we love why not devote just as much energy to intimate time with God together? 


My challenge to those of you in relationships (married or otherwise) try this form of intimacy and enjoy being an "Under Cover" lover. 


Good Day!

Broken

I picked up a peppermint today...began to unwrap it... noticed it was broken... and threw it away. I picked up another (whole) piece unwrapped it and stopped dead in my tracks. Why didn't I want the broken piece of candy? What was more appealing about the piece that appeared "perfect?" We both pieces not the exact same thing?


Life is a lot like this. Broken people are treated as if they can't be used because of their status. There are people who are broken from abuse, broken from divorce, broken from a loss, and more. Does that mean these people cannot be used by God? Of course I yell a resounding "NO" so does society may think (or at least their actions show) otherwise?


Before I go any further let me just put it out there that I'm a broken screwed up jacked up messed up daughter of Eve. I don't have all the answers nor do I proclaim to. I can, however, share my conclusions based on the experiences God has led me through and the victories I've experienced as a result of embracing my brokenness. 


As some of you very well may know, I am very vocal about my life experiences. I'm a firm believer that my calling includes the gift (if you will) of  helping prevent someone else from making the same mistakes I've made. More specifically my call is to prevent WOMEN from doing the things I did and helping them to achieve a better outcome in life and relationships. Some embrace my wisdom and trust my knowledge knowing that I speak from experience. Others choose to dwell on my broken status and question how on Earth God can use a broken woman to edify His people. Aside from the numerous examples in the Bible of this I take this approach to the naysayers... a strong woman is a woman determined to do something others are determined not be done. To most a broken masterpiece is no longer valuable. To me a masterpiece is not a masterPIECE until all of the pieces have been revealed, examined, and embraced.The below photo has millions of tiny pieces that create this image. Each of those pieces define the image that you see before you. 

Learn to embrace your broken status and remember what others think of you and your broken status isn't any of your business. Learn this lesson and it is then that God will reveal the masterpiece in you as He has done in me. I love me... in spite of me...Selah. 

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
~ Marianne Williamson ~

"I See Great Potential..."

Scene from "The Sixth Sense" 1999, Hollywood Pictures

How many of you remember this infamous scene? Or better yet, how many of you remember the confusion associated with it ( and the movie in general? ) Today, I was sitting in my office extremely frustrated because I just couldn't understand why I was feeling so unfulfilled with things. There wasn't a thing I could really complain about and have a good reason for doing so. Things appeared to make sense and be comfortable but then it hit me... the very thing(s) God called for me to do, I'm not doing. Although on the surface it would be easy to "excuse" my way out of it the only valid reason I could come up with as to why I hadn't walked (all the way) in the things God has for me to do is... FEAR...paralyzing... FEAR. 

In the movie The Sixth Sense Cole struggled with the same issue. He was afraid to confide in Dr. Crowe about the things he saw because he didn't trust him. He was afraid of his reaction. He wanted to keep his secret to himself because if no one knew... no one could hold him responsible and help him work through the things he saw. THAT'S where I am. God has placed some HUGE things in my life. He has revealed my purpose. "I see great potential..." in myself but I'm paralyzed by fear. I see what's on the other side of the road yet I'm afraid to cross it. The risk, to me, is greater than the reward. People may think I'm delusional (as did Dr. Crowe when Cole confided in him). However, if you are struggling with fear the same way I am remember to channel that fear into positive energy. Just like Dr. Crowe encouraged Cole to use what he saw to obtain what he knew to be I implore you to do the same. You never know who you are really helping by walking on purpose and not in fear.

Remember... Dr. Crowe was dead the entire time... and Coles ability to see "dead people" was the very thing that gave Dr. Crowe the clarity and revelation he much needed. You have great potential... you see it... tell somebody about it and use it.

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. - 2 Timothy 1:7

It Is 4 O'Clock In The Morning... Do YOU Know Where Your Mate Is?

It’s 4 o'clock in the damn morning... 

Do you know where your mate is? I've noticed lately that a lot of people become extremely comfortable and complacent once the person they tried so hard to get decides that they'll be gotten (lol). What is it about relationships and commitments (marriages included) that make people decide that the goal has been reached and thus there is no reason to do what it took to get the person they have? I'd even venture to say that falling "in love" is sometimes the most damaging thing a couple can do? Why? 

Easy. People treat courting and relationships like a weight loss challenge. They set a goal, work hard to achieve said goal, and then STOP everything they were doing to get there. Well we all know what happens when you do that right? You get fat all over again. Apply that to relationships these days. We spot our dream come true. We buy her flowers. We cook him all his favorite dishes. We send her sweet text messages. We show him how grateful we are to have him... and then... they say, "Yes, I'll be your girl/boyfriend or husband/wife."  

*record scratch*

All of a sudden everything that we did to get them goes flying out the door and eventually so does the person you worked so hard to get. You have 4am moments where you can't pinpoint where he or she is. We must not forget that it's human nature to follow the euphoric feeling of love and loving. If we aren't getting that "high" from the initial source we go find someone or something that can provide that feeling be it real or fake. I should know. I’ve done it. Yup. Guilty as charged. 

Complacency like many other relationship problems is like the plague. You catch it. It spreads. You don't hear it or see it and by the time you realize what is happening the damage is done. It is so easy to fall into a daily routine and just forget what relationships are all about. With soooooo much to do we tend to forget that relationships, like everything else in life, have to be worked at and nurtured. We fail to make time for our partners and when we do it's some afterthought at the end of a long hard day when we lack the energy to show how much we love and appreciate each other.

When partners (especially women) begin to feel neglected they often start with the subtle hint that they feel that they aren't important any more. They may tweet that they feel unloved. They may update their Facebook status to reflect their feelings of undervalue. Boredom with the daily routine sets in. And so it begins...

It is 4’oclock in the morning…Do you REALLY know where your mate is?

It is all too easy to brush aside their innuendos. You just assume that they know you love them and expect them to understand that you are tired. You assume they understand that you don't have the time and before you realize…

It is 4’oclock in the morning…Do you honestly know where your mate is?

Continuing to ignore these signs can become a very clear indication to your partner that your “life” without them is more important than your “life” with them. After a while it won't matter that you are busy and important at work or that the duties and responsibilities of friendships and extracurricular activities are getting in the way, they will just see this big neon sign saying 'you don't love me any more' and at 4 o’clock in the morning you will roll over and your mate isn’t there. You will start to call and get no answer. You will notice that the subtle pleas have stopped. Then? It’s too late.

It is critical that no matter what life throws at us we show our partners we value them in our lives every day of our lives. Relationship problems like complacency, boredom, jealousy, lack of trust and even infidelity tend to appear out of nowhere and just like that what we worked for and what we have enjoyed can crumble away before our very eyes.

How can we combat stale relationship syndrome? That’s easy. Just never become complacent. All it takes is those small gestures, nothing fancy, nothing time consuming, nothing expensive just small and thoughtful little gestures that show love, respect and affection for each other. Or you can look at your clock… see it’s 4am …and wonder where your mate is. Take your pick.

Sex? Me? Sex Me? I Think I Just... Might.

In today's society I think people are down right confused about sex and sexuality. I don't mean whether they like men or women or men who dress as women or women who dress as men or whatever. I mean, people don't know IF they want to have sex and WHY they want or don't want to do it. I've heard more people than I can count announce "I'm celibate" and I have a burning to ask them "well why?" For some odd reason I get the feeling that they haven't the slightest idea why they want to be "celibate" or what it even means... other than it sounds really "good" (to them) to say it. I have a HUGE issue with those people (who am I? Well nobody in the grand scheme of things but...hey).


First, most of us aren't celibate. Period. We use "celibate" and "abstain" interchangeably but in actuality they aren't exactly synonymous. "Celibacy" is the absence of SEX period. All forms of sexual activity. Now *intense stare and eyebrow raise* after knowing the real deal definition, how many of you can honestly say you are "celibate?" I'd venture to say... MAYBE 1% of US and I'm being generous. If you've ever had sex before? If you've ever experienced that euphoric feeling of an orgasm? If you ever self satisfy? If you ever dream of the things you and Superhead or Mr Marcus could do in private? You aren't celibate. 


"Abstinence," however, is the absence of sexual intercourse (even if said person is married - YES a married person can "abstain".) In the book The New Celibacy, Gabrielle Brown says that "abstinence is a response on the outside to what's going on, and celibacy is a response from the inside."According to this definition, celibacy is much more than not having sex. It is more intentional than abstinence, and its goal is personal growth and empowerment NOT saving your "goodies" (used or otherwise) for "the one." Edgy enough? 


I'm sure some of you are like, well if I've had sex before why can't I then decide that I want to be a "born again virgin" or "become celibate?" In my opinion you can't. It's impossible because I believe in soul ties. Spiritually speaking, a soul tie is the bonding or knitting of two souls that can either bring tremendous blessings or tremendous destruction. What's the variable? The PERSON you choose to tie your soul with. I believe when you have sex with a person (intercourse/phone/cyber/etc) the feelings normally reserved for two people who have more than a sexual attraction to each other (ideally married) are tapped into and creating a mysterious (of sorts) lifelong knit to that person. When you experience this act with more than one (or 10 20 30... and so on) think about the knot you have created? Think about how frustrating it is to untangle Christmas lights when the time comes to reveal them to the place (the tree) they are actually supposed to be on? How many times have you said, "had I left them in the package and not opened them this would be a lot easier?" I'm paraphrasing for the sake of illustration but think about it? Why create a big mess when it can be avoided?


Am I advocating waiting until marriage to have sex? Not exactly, I try not to be hypocritical. I'm human and sometimes fall into desires of the flesh. Lust... is a desire of the flesh. Lust... is a sexual activity. 


The next time you lay down with someone ask yourself is this person someone I want to be entangled with forever? If you can't honestly say yes. Get up... and RUN. (The Bible did say FLEE sin didn't it?)


G'day folks,


Elle

Heart Attack

http://www.chatkafeonline.com/profiles/blogs/heart-attack-by-elle-nicole

(Please register at the site above to comment. Also check out my Bio on the home page)

Heart Attack 

by Elle Nicole Andrews

Whether we chose to acknowledge it or not there is no one type of heart. As a matter of fact there are probably more types than I can ever come up with but thanks to Rev. Johnny Parker I have honed in on three of them.  At my church we are in the midst of a series entitled, “Building Relationships That Last & Work.”  We’ve focused on God’s purpose for relationships, why He designed them, and what we can do to sustain them.  What we should do seems like a no brainer, but with the divorce rate higher than it has ever been in decades series like these are a must. I have my opinions on what makes marriage work… after all I’ve been there and divorced as a result of not doing what I know is right but I’ll stay away from my opinions and stick to the facts.

Misidentifying the type of heart you possess can in fact ruin an otherwise healthy relationship or keep you from entering one to begin with. The first type of heart, the validation one, is the one that I’ve been known to suffer with. How many of you have uttered the phrase, “I’m so hungry that I could eat a/an ” The same holds true for the validation heart. This heart seeks approval and validation from their mate and as a result will eat anything that is thrown at it. This heart starves for attention and often times a person with this heart can be lead to a life of promiscuity and failed relationships.

Next, is the judgmental heart. This heart is the one that we all tend to want to shy away from. This heart opens the door for masks and dishonesty. A person with a judgmental heart is hard to love because the lover is afraid of being his or herself. I’ve been in situations where I’ve been downright afraid to be transparent because of the repercussions of doing so. Out of these experiences I coined and now live by the mantra, “love me or hate me… I’m me unapologetically.”

Lastly, there is the wounded heart. This is the heart that is the eternal bleeding one; the heart that cannot properly heal. This is the person who is weary of love and loving again. He/she is what is classically defined as bitter by everyone but themselves. To them? They are being cautious. After all the risk of being hurt again is greater than the benefit of being loved completely and unconditionally. According to, Dr. Parker , the issue here isn’t the wounded heart but more so the unhealthy healing of said heart.

Which heart do you identify most with? What can you do to cultivate healthy relationships in spite of your heart? Are you willing to love again? I know I am…

*dead*

Can you imagine what the world would be like if everyone were dead? Or what about if every time we typed the word *dead* on Twitter we actually died? What if every time we said "I'm dead" in response to something someone said we just gave up the ghost?

Last night in church I pondered this very fact. The teaching was centered around forming and maintaining healthy relationships and one of the key factors to doing this was "dying to self."

(*side note* For some reason this has been a central theme in my life lately. I never realized JUST how self centered I was until the events of the past week or so. God is really working on that in me. No really.)

Anyway, where was I? Oh dying to self *dead*.

I couldn't figure out why it was important to "die to self" because in theory we are taught to self identify because without that we'll become lost in someone else. Then it hit me... there's NOTHING wrong with this. As a matter of fact in Galations 2:20 it tells us to do just that. For some of us this is a one time deal. We accept Christ, die to ourselves, and become a new creature in Him. For MOST of us this is a daily process. I know it is for me. I wake up and have to literally ask God to kill the ME in Him and awaken the HIM in me. It's not easy to do and for a long time it didn't matter to me one way or the other.... until I realized that DEAD PEOPLE HAVE NO AGENDA. Nothing that happens on this Earth matters to them. They are not moved by pain, strife, sickness, frustration, lack, and so on. This is important as a believer because if we die to the FLESH and accept the Him in us the "world" wont bother us. We recognize that it's not about us anyway and as such are able to carry on daily.

As I've said before there's always two ways to do what God has called you to do. One of them just hurts a little more than the other. I have an illustration that says exactly that:

1.2. 

3.4.   

5.6.

7.8.  

9.10.  

11.12.

Now what? Or even this one...

(This is one is small but the captions say "ow" when the character is hit in the head with a pebble. He then asks "Why me?" The Last one is of Jesus protecting him from the storm of rocks and Him saying "I let one slip... you sure you'll be ok?" )

If you are having trouble dying to yourself I have a small word of advice. Read this and die.

Good Day Folks,

Me. 

Galations 2:20 (The Message):

What actually took place is this: I tried keeping rules and working my head off to please God, and it didn't work. So I quit being a "law man" so that I could be God's man. Christ's life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not "mine," but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going to go back on that.
   Is it not clear to you that to go back to that old rule-keeping, peer-pleasing religion would be an abandonment of everything personal and free in my relationship with God? I refuse to do that, to repudiate God's grace. If a living relationship with God could come by rule-keeping, then Christ died unnecessarily.

Doors

So today I discovered something that probably has happened a million times I just never really paid attention to it.  I’ve gotten so used to doors automatically opening for me that when I left CVS I stood at the door thinking it was going to open FOR me. Of course I stood there looking like an idiot until I realized, “DUH I have to PUSH the door open to go through it.” I fixed my mouth to say “I hate it when doors don’t automatically open…” but before I could say a word I just laughed. When I’m really in tune with God every little thing becomes a ministry opportunity. Today this was it.

As I was driving back to the office it hit me… ALL doors require action. All of them. There’s not a door that you can get through without moving. Some doors require a knock to go through. Some doors require a door knob turn to go through. Some only require that desire to go through it is sensed but either way to get to and through a door you must MOVE. I think we, as believers, sometimes forget this small requirement. We are so conditioned to ‘praises going up’ and ‘blessings coming down’ that we forget that faith without works is dead. You can’t expect God to open a door for you and you not have the desire to walk through it. To me that’s an irrational line of thinking.

Don’t believe me? Read the book of ACTS ß in the Bible. The entire book is based on action and/or reaction. It’ll bless you.

Good Day Folks,

Writing Again Cus That’s What My Abba Requires Me To Do

I See Things

Remember the post on my life being a movie? Again, I'm SURE of this fact. There are things that God permits to happen (notice my wording b/c I now understand WHY and WHO lets these things go on) that are ONLY so He can get His Glory from me. I have a ministry in me I'm just stubborn at times and use the excuse "I can't hear" to mask it and not do it. TIME-OUT for that there. God I surrender to you and your Will. Whatever it is that you have planned for me to do... Here I am. Selah.

So let me tell you a story about the something I witnessed. Last night we were on the way home from South Carolina but before I could get on the road back to D.C. I had to take my brother 90 miles outside of my route to pick up his things from my mothers house. (This is important to establish timing... had this not happened I would have never saw what I needed to see) This irked me to no end because he'd bounced back and forth for an ENTIRE hour about whether or not he was going to come up with me. I was "walking out the door" at 5PM and at SIX PM we were still standing around trying to make a decision. As you all know I'm extremely controlling and hate it when things don't go my way. When I have a plan I want to stick to it... it's a character flaw called arrogance. Thanks to my Pastor John Jenkins, Sr I now know this. He's called me out TWICE on it and had I listened the first time I probably wouldn't have situations created to bring me down a notch or 5. I can admit this... I digress.

Anyway, he FINALLY decided that he would come with me to D.C. we got on the road to my moms and she called. "When you guys get to the house.. .stick around for a bit, I want to take a picture before you leave. We're right behind you." THIS ticked me off even more because I a) knew that she wasn't right behind us literally OR figuratively & b) we'd have to wait some more to get to D.C. Of course I cussed (when I hung up) but I was obedient. We got to her house, he packed his things into my car, and we waited. When my mom got there we said our goodbyes and for the first time in a very long time I prayed before we started driving. Now, I always talk to Abba (especially while traveling) but this time I stopped, asked His will to be done, and to get us home safely.

The drive started off just like any normal road trip would. Traffic was light and the speed limit was 70 which meant cruise control was in full effect. About an hour and fifteen minutes into our trip I noticed a brown/metallic colored Honda Accord speeding around everyone and everything. My assumption was that since said car was behind us that he/she was just trying to get home in a hurry. I don't understand the concept of speeding (that's why I stopped doing it....so much) but I was in the "slow lane" so if he/she needed to pass me they could. As the car got closer I could see that the driver's face was illuminated in the rear view and side view mirrors. She was texting and driving (erratically might I add). I literally said "wow she needs to cut that out... there are probably cops EVERYWHERE tonight." She sped around us, cut us off, tailgated the white Tahoe in front of us, sped around them... and over corrected. All I could see was that honda flying off the side of the road then flipping at least 4 or 5 times. The car came to a stop as we sped past...the Tahoe pulled over and we did too. My brother (being a trained soldier) just reacted. Seeing him in action made me respect him more than I already did. He and the driver of the Tahoe (which we would later find out is also a solider) both ran into a dark field in shorts and tee shirts. All I could hear was screaming from both the Honda and the Tahoe (there was a toddler in the truck). Then all of a sudden everything went quiet. It was an eerie silence considering everything that was going on around me. God had my attention.

We dialed 911 and tried to explain to the operator what just happened and where we were. The what was easy... the where not so much. It was dark, neither of the women left on the side of the road (while the men attempted to figure out if the driver of the car was alive) were in familiar territory. The operator couldn't pick up a GPS location from her cell so I called... they couldn't pick up a location from mine either. My navigation in the car was "searching for a signal"... the ONLY thing that would work was Twitter. I wont lie, the very first thing that went through my mind is... I can't tweet for help, people will think it's a joke and not respond (or something like that). That was a split second thought and I tweeted for help. All I knew was the signs I'd passed a little while back said Florence was in 10 miles. I knew we hadn't gone 10 miles since that sign but I was scared out of my mind so I couldn't think straight. This response came:

tweetdeez2 

  

@aRHOgant_Elle i just googled the SC Highway patrol & it shows on their site : DARLINGTON I20E [DARLINGTON COUNTY] x[BETW MM136/137]


In order to get that information I had to attempt to send my location via BBM to someone and the view the link to it. I couldn't so I tweeted it. Thank GOD someone was paying attention. The ambulance finally arrived and the men came back from the field. There wasn't anything further they could do so the paramedics took over. My brother said the first thing that came out of her mouth was, "you think I'll get a DUI?" and she passed out. She was drunk. He said he could smell the alcohol on her breath. All I could do was WOW. She wasn't doing ANYTHING that I hadn't done before. Yet, I was spared. Coincidence? I think not. It never is. 


Once we were back on the road I couldn't help but ask for a "why." There's ALWAYS a lesson in the things that I see... it's just up to me to acknowledge what's being said. After getting home at 5am and attempting to sleep... I sat straight up in my bed and shook my head. God revealed what He was showing me. I believe in signs... even the ones you can't always see. The accident happened between mile marker 13SIX and 13SEVEN. Coincidence? I think not. It never is. The number six represents "imperfection" spiritually. The number seven represents "completion" or "spiritual perfection." Here I was, halfway between 6 and 7. I could SEE exit 137. I knew it was there. I just couldn't decipher what was next. I never paid attention as I sped past exit 136 so I really and truly didn't know where I was or how CLOSE I was to  the next exit (the exit that I really wanted to see.) I'd witnessed a horrible crash and in searching everywhere there was no help except in the place I didn't want to go in the first place. When help finally came my human imperfection side showed up. I got angry that this person was drinking texting and driving. 

STAY WITH ME... I'M GOING SOMEWHERE

GOD... was showing me exactly where I'm headed. I'm imperfect in many ways. I'll never BE perfect but my call is to strive to be more like Him who is. I'm right between where I want to be and where I need to be. Exit 136 is comfortable. I think I can handle the speeding bullet of being in ministry and texting while drunk (ie: doing what the world is doing at the same time) only God is showing me that if I don't pay attention to the path and stay alert? I'm going to crash... and hard. I wont be able to find anyone to help either until I come back to Him. I'm almost there... I'm putting the phone down. I'm not allowing myself to be impaired any longer. I see it... I'm on my way.

As we were on our way away from the scene... passing exit 137 my brother said while pointing, "that's the exit she was trying to get to." 

I hear you Abba. Loud and clear.

Good Day Folks,

Me.

Mistakes Women Make

So today I found out that I was quoted in an article outlining the mistakes that women make while dating. It's an honor and I love it when my writing is featured in various places. I've been featured twice in Essence, newspapers all over the country, and more. Writing is therapy for me and I'm so excited when my life's experiences can touch others. The article was written by Jersey City Dating Advice Examiner Linda Dominique Grosvenor. If you'd like to read the entire article you may do so here. My "blurb" was on "Trying to Fix Him." I wrote:


Trying to Fix Him 

“We often equate the ‘super save a you-know-what” syndrome with men, but in all honesty it’s the women who struggle with this the most. We are inherently nurturing creatures with a knack for fixing what’s ‘broken.’ Now, in our defense we don’t ALWAYS do this on purpose; however, because we have been programmed to do so it’s hard to isolate this trait when dating.  Since my divorce, I’ve dated several men (older and younger) and all of them (even the one I’m now exclusively dating) had qualities that I wanted to immediately ‘fix.’ I knew that if I could help him to be ‘better’ I’d feel accomplished and he indebted to me. The repayment? Love.” 


There was a lot more that I wrote when she interviewed me because if you don't already know... I can be quite the verbose one. Here's the rest of my interview. Feel free to comment and agree or disagree with me. I welcome your dialogue. 


From my interview:

A friend of mine and I had a conversation recently that started with a question, “At what point do you settle? We all do it… just at different times.” She was stumped. Her first response was “never.” I called her bluff, “that’s impossible… the only perfect ‘man’ isn’t a man at all.” I went on to say, “and even then if you had him would he be enough? Or would you find something wrong with him so you can say you fixed him?”

I said all that to say, it’s a woman’s so called “rite of passage” to find a broken man and attempt to fix him. Otherwise… what sense of accomplishment would we have? We can do everything on our own remember?

“I could be congresswoman
Or a garbage woman or
Police officer, or a carpenter
I could be a doctor and a lawyer and a mother and a good girl
God what you've done to me
Kind of lover I could be
I could be a computer analyst, the Queen with the nappy hair raising her fist
Or I could be much more and a myriad of this…”

                                                                   ~ Jill Scott

Down to Nothing

This morning I woke up and the first thing God said to me was, "when you're down to nothing, I am up to something." I said, "hmm ok" and checked my bank account (I do this every morning). To my surprise I had $9.83. Not $983.00 but nine dollars and 83 WHOLE cents. The first thing I did was laugh. It was as if God was preparing me to see the "lack" that I'd just saw. For some odd reason this didn't phase me. Remember yesterday when I'd said that my issues were hitting me dead on? Well my post on peniaphobia can explain one of the biggest fears/issues I have. I'm terrified of being in poverty (read: broke). I literally get the shakes when I feel like I don't have enough money.... well at least I used to. As if I needed ANY further proof that God was/is working on me here comes this which actually brightened my day instead of making me break down and cry.

I went on about my usual routine, got the kids dressed, brewed my coffee, opened the fridge to make breakfast and paused. There wasn't a thing in it. Again, I laughed. Made sandwiches for lunch and fed the kids cereal for breakfast. I literally said out loud, "ok Abba here goes... I'm believing you for a supernatural blessing of XYZ dollars today. This blessing will come with no strings attached and I wont have to do anything outside of Your Will for me to get it." I smiled and continued about my day. On my morning call with my boyfriend I was more chipper than I'd been in a few days and as if on cue he told me to read his post. Funny, he'd not even planned to write that this morning but "something" (<--lol) prompted him to do it. Coincidence? Nope. It never is.

We talked, I laughed, and we hung up... well as we were talking an email came through (that of course I didn't know about b/c I have SPRINT and that isn't something SPRINT allows to happen - on the phone? That's all you gone get... no emails, bbms, nothing. I digress). The subject line of said email was:

"Time To Put You To Work"

It was from a client of mine whom I hadn't heard from in a while but I immediately knew that when I got this message that God was showing me exactly what He was up to. The body of the email basically just asked for my professional services and was literally OUT of the blue. It was all I could do not to scream but I simply, quietly, and earnestly said "Thank You."

Remember, when you're down to nothing... God is ALWAYS up to something...

Good Day Folks,

Blessed Indeed

I Promise

Today when I logged onto Twitter one of my followers was tweeting about her recent blog post on feeling abundantly blessed. I had to check myself. I vent a LOT and sometimes I have to stop myself and ask if I'm complaining or merely letting my frustrations go. You see, God is really working with me. There are things I know He's telling me to do but He hasn't shown me HOW to do them. That's a terrible place to be in (of sorts). It's like being stuck between the dark and the light...you know that 5:30am stage of the day when you can see that the sun IS going to rise but you can't quite turn your headlights off? Yeah that.

It's like I want to go allllll the way "to the left to the left" (yeah I had to reference Bey, lol) but I can't see where I'm going. Ever driven with one headlight? Yeah that's how I'm feeling right now. Of course I know the solution to this and it's called faith. Right? It's easy to talk about it. Being about it? A whole notha ball game. On another note I know I'm kinda to blame for this whole "Abba you workin my nerves" stage I'm in. I asked for it. My specific prayer was to "increase my capacity for you God so that your light can shine through me and others may see You in me." Apparently I musta been realllly empty or shallow because I'm being STRETCHED beyond imagination. My biggest fears and challenges are meeting me head on and I'd be a big fat liar if I said it didn't scare me and frustrate me at times. I ironically the ONLY time I feel "free" is in His presence. I don't think this is a coincidence at all. I just think it's a part of Him filling me to be more like Him.

Yesterday my Pastor really touched on this part of my life. It was like God used him to confirm everything that I was unsure about. Then this morning my boyfriend said pretty much verbatim what Pastor had said (although he doesn't know he did it... well now he does but whatever) on top of that today's scripture was:


"Don't overlook the obvious here, friends. With God, one day is as good as a thousand years, a thousand years as a day. God isn't late with his promise as some measure lateness. He is restraining himself on account of you, holding back the End because he doesn't want anyone lost. He's giving everyone space and time to change." 2 Peter 3:9


I guess this all means that God is here... and my fear and frustration is unwarranted. All in His timing I suppose...


Good Day Folks!


Me 

Random Thoughts

Today I was going to write about drama and people's need for it in order to thrive (or at least that's my perception) then I decided I wouldn't waste my precious energy on such foolishness.


After a tumultuous day yesterday I'm incredibly happy today. It had the potential to irk my nervous system for a myriad of reasons (including being hit by a cop running a red light - we're fine. It was low impact but still) but I'm so thankful for the way it ended that everything that happened took a back burner. 


I  also normally check Bible Gateway each morning (which was actually the way I was inspired most mornings when I was writing Daily Devotions) and today's scripture was my sole reason for not acknowledging any negativity or drama today. Here's what it said:

2 Thessalonians 3

Those Who Are Lazy

 ^1-3One more thing, friends: Pray for us. Pray that the Master's Word will simply take off and race through the country to a ground-swell of response, just as it did among you. And pray that we'll be rescued from these scoundrels who are trying to do us in. I'm finding that not all "believers" are believers. But the Master never lets us down. He'll stick by you and protect you from evil.


As we do and say on Twitter when someone says something we like "THIS!" This word was really right on time. I'd love nothing more for everyone in this world to be saved and know the peace that God brings but I've learned through "Just Say NO" that I can't save everybody and I've stopped trying to. 


I'd also like to take the time to thank my readers... all of you don't comment and most of you don't follow my blog but I read each email that comes to me and I thank you all for your encouragement. It's a blessing to touch so many lives.


G'Day!


LB

Soundtrack of My Life

Today I sat at my desk and wondered what songs would describe my life (over time and now). I put my iPOD on shuffle and just let my mind wander. I said that when I got home and got settled I'd sit and listen to all the music I have on shuffle and see what I come up with. This blog entry has the potential to be fairly long because if you know me you know music is a HUGE part of my life. There will be a mixture of songs here because I'm fairly versatile and I'd be surprised if it didn't take me hours or days to do this. I'll try and write a little "why" on why I chose each song but some of them will probably be self explanatory. Who knows, you may even learn something new about me.


*Warning* If you can't appreciate music... leave now. Giving music to someone to me is the greatest gift outside of love that one can get. Sit back, relax, and enjoy. 


Here goes:


Happy Being Me - Donald Lawrence feat Angie Stone





This one should be self explanatory but for the sake of non assumption... for a long time I didn't love me. If I'm being honest I didn't even like me. I didn't respect my body, my calling, my beauty, or anything else. Listening to the lyrics of this song made me fall in love with me all over again. I thank God for revealing my true "soul mate" to me. Her name is... Me. 

So happy being me, I'm regretting nothing

bout me. 

Too busy living life giving love... freely

I'm s

o happy being me

Still in Love - Beyonce

This is one of my favorite songs of all time. I love Beyonce *duh* but more than that I love "love" and "loving." I love hard and with all of me and I'm extremely loyal until... well I feel like it's pointless. This song touches me in so many ways. My favorite line in this song is:

I love you... more than music (This line says SO much about the person she's singing to because as an artist to love someone more than what makes you breathe is saying a lot)

How Great Is Our God - Full Gospel Church Fellowship

I've been through SO much in my life yet I haven't committed suicide, homicide, or some other 'cide.' If that doesn't speak to the greatest of God I don't know what does. He saved and forgave ME... of ALL people He loves ME. Which brings me to another touching song...

Just For Me - Donnie McClurkin

Just for me... and you too. 

Independent Women Part II - Destiny's Child

Don't depend on no man to give you what you want. Keep that in mind next time you hear this song...

I Need You - Jill Scott

I could be a congresswoman or a garbage woman, a police officer or carpenter. I could be a doctor and a lawyer and a mother and a 'good-god woman, what you done to me' kind of lover I can be. I could be a computer analyst, the queen with the nappy hair, raising the fist, or I could be much more and and a myriad of this. Hot as the summer, sweet as the first kiss. And even though I can do all these things, I need you. 

Confused yet? I know some of you are like... now how you gone be an independent woman who needs someone? Easy, we all do. I'm probably the most dependent independent person you'll meet. I can do anything...no really I can (and I've said this a gazillion times) I just don't WANT to have to do everything all the time. The hard part about being a person like me is recognizing what you don't NEED to do and letting someone meet the NEED for you. Master that? Stress won't be your middle name anymore. 

Believing in Me - Monica

This ENTIRE song speaks to my SOUL now. I've done some pretty foul stuff in my adult years but I had to apologize and forgive ME for doing what I've done. A part of that process was forgiving everyone that I felt like had wronged be and MOVING ON. To do that it takes believing in yourself again (or for the first time... whatever suits you).

...so i hope you can forgive me I'm not gonna be the way i used to be starting over can be so scary but I'm gonna believe promise I'm not gonna let me down and my transformation starting right now...

You Don't Know Me - T.I.

*Warning Explicit Lyrics*

Boy if this song aint the TRUTH? Goodness gracious I've experienced so many people who "know" me but have no idea who I am lately that every time I hear this song I go crazy. The lyrics are right on point.

Yeah you know they call me "T.A." but n*gga you don't KNOW ME...

Nothing Even Matters - Lauryn Hill feat D'Angelo 

(both of whom are stone cold crazy now... but I digress)

"Be who are you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind..." - Dr. Seuss (originally quoted by Bernard Baruch)

Can't Hide Love - Earth, Wind, & Fire

Can't hide love... I stopped trying to a long time ago.

Can I Live - Jay Z

*Warning Explicit Lyrics*

I'm a HUGE Jay-Z fan. I happen to think he's a lyrical genius. This is my ALL time favorite Jay-Z song. It has been and forever will be. If you've never listened to it but have heard it.... try again.

I'd rather die enormous than live dormant that's how we on it

Far Away - Kindred (The Family Soul)

Have you ever just wanted to disappear? Just go to a far away land and be "happy?" Have you ever gotten yourself into a situation or relationship and years later forgot the reasons you got together in the first place? I did. Good thing I learn from my mistakes...

Jesus Take the Wheel - Carrie Underwood

This song is deeper than a lot of people know. I remember when the song first came out people would laugh b/c I'd constantly be somewhere yelling "Jesus take the wheel..." I wasn't joking... how do you think I am where I am today? I pulled over and let Him drive. 

Jesus take the wheel... take it from my hands... cause I can't do this on my own. I'm letting go...

Cowboy Take Me Away - Dixie Chicks

I'm country so sue me... this is one of the prettiest love songs I've ever heard. It's so simple just like me. The smallest things make me happy like bugs, dirt, and nature. I love to be barefoot. I'm a Southern Belle. I even have a "twang." *bats eyelashes*

I wanna touch the Earth.. I wanna break it in my hands...It sounds so good to me

Ironic - Alanis Morrisette

Story of my life... Irony. 

Survivor - Destinys Child

Through the irony... I survived.

I'm a survivor I'm not gone give up I'm not gone stop... I'm gone work harder

He Always Makes A Way - James Fortune

The title is enough to make me go IN... and whenever I feel like I can't see my way out I listen to this (and a couple of others). James Fortune has a way of writing music that you "need."

He brought you through.. and He helped you make it.. through all the pain... He will come through. There's one thing that you must remember about my God... He always makes a way.

Look Up - Tye Tribbett

Looking up requires faith because you can't see where you're going. *nod*

 I cant keep on ..somethings gotta give... this is no way for me to live I get so frustrated sometimes the very things I do I hate it sick of falling for every trap thats set for me its time for me to have the victory but I found my answer in the word he gave with every temptation theres a way of escape and I believe every word is true so I know what I gotta do.

Chains - Kirk Franklin

I have no words... the song says it all.

The Closer I Get To You - Lutha *pause* and Beyonce

This is actually here for one reason and one reason only. I remember getting a DM that said "999-999-9999" (that basically said.. yeah so are you going to see what's in front of you or keep coming up with excuses as to why you are blind?) It's not for anyone but said person to "get"

Angel of Mine - Monica

Angels are real. Period

When I'd lost all hope.. you showed me love

**record scratch - I'm getting tired. I've been at this for hours but before I go I MUST include my favorite song of all time. No seriously... if I have a funeral I want this song played. I'm so sincere.**

See you later folks,

*giggle*