In today's society I think people are down right confused about sex and sexuality. I don't mean whether they like men or women or men who dress as women or women who dress as men or whatever. I mean, people don't know IF they want to have sex and WHY they want or don't want to do it. I've heard more people than I can count announce "I'm celibate" and I have a burning to ask them "well why?" For some odd reason I get the feeling that they haven't the slightest idea why they want to be "celibate" or what it even means... other than it sounds really "good" (to them) to say it. I have a HUGE issue with those people (who am I? Well nobody in the grand scheme of things but...hey).
First, most of us aren't celibate. Period. We use "celibate" and "abstain" interchangeably but in actuality they aren't exactly synonymous. "Celibacy" is the absence of SEX period. All forms of sexual activity. Now *intense stare and eyebrow raise* after knowing the real deal definition, how many of you can honestly say you are "celibate?" I'd venture to say... MAYBE 1% of US and I'm being generous. If you've ever had sex before? If you've ever experienced that euphoric feeling of an orgasm? If you ever self satisfy? If you ever dream of the things you and Superhead or Mr Marcus could do in private? You aren't celibate.
"Abstinence," however, is the absence of sexual intercourse (even if said person is married - YES a married person can "abstain".) In the book The New Celibacy, Gabrielle Brown says that "abstinence is a response on the outside to what's going on, and celibacy is a response from the inside."According to this definition, celibacy is much more than not having sex. It is more intentional than abstinence, and its goal is personal growth and empowerment NOT saving your "goodies" (used or otherwise) for "the one." Edgy enough?
I'm sure some of you are like, well if I've had sex before why can't I then decide that I want to be a "born again virgin" or "become celibate?" In my opinion you can't. It's impossible because I believe in soul ties. Spiritually speaking, a soul tie is the bonding or knitting of two souls that can either bring tremendous blessings or tremendous destruction. What's the variable? The PERSON you choose to tie your soul with. I believe when you have sex with a person (intercourse/phone/cyber/etc) the feelings normally reserved for two people who have more than a sexual attraction to each other (ideally married) are tapped into and creating a mysterious (of sorts) lifelong knit to that person. When you experience this act with more than one (or 10 20 30... and so on) think about the knot you have created? Think about how frustrating it is to untangle Christmas lights when the time comes to reveal them to the place (the tree) they are actually supposed to be on? How many times have you said, "had I left them in the package and not opened them this would be a lot easier?" I'm paraphrasing for the sake of illustration but think about it? Why create a big mess when it can be avoided?
Am I advocating waiting until marriage to have sex? Not exactly, I try not to be hypocritical. I'm human and sometimes fall into desires of the flesh. Lust... is a desire of the flesh. Lust... is a sexual activity.
The next time you lay down with someone ask yourself is this person someone I want to be entangled with forever? If you can't honestly say yes. Get up... and RUN. (The Bible did say FLEE sin didn't it?)
G'day folks,
Elle
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About Me
- LNA
- A self professed “Grace Case,” Elle is a 29 year old accomplished writer. Having written and been featured in national magazines such as Essence, her unique writing style has been said to be “thought provoking” and “more emotional than most.” She believes in being an open book and through that prays that her life experiences help others avoid the mistakes she’s made and overcome. As such, her memoir “Loving Me In Spite of Me” is filled with life lessons and coping mechanisms. Her mantra “love me or hate me… I’m me unapologetically” has helped define her writing style.
Hmmm. I didn't realize there was a difference between celibacy and abstinence. I will definitely say that celibacy can only be accomplished as a gift from God (Paul said so). And that abstinence is definitely the calling of God on every person who is single.
ReplyDeleteAnd I like that you ask why because it is supremely important to know why you do anything but especially with the subject of sex. We will be unable to stick to any goal that we have regarding sex and specifically abstinence if we have no real reason as to why we are abstaining.
Now I am not sure if I agree with the idea of a soul tie. I used to believe in them, but then I reread the Scripture that I was using to justify it. God said that a man and his wife would be one FLESH. So I could definitely see a fleshly tie (which involves emotion, mind, and body). But not a soul tie. We may be talking about the same thing, and I am just arguing about terminology, in which case I agree with you on the idea. And sex does DEFINITELY cause ties that if abused cause problems. Any sexual activity at all does that (as you mentioned). I sincerely hope that people would think twice before engaging in such activity, and if that person is not married to them, then they would like you said, get up and run.
The only other thing I would have to say is that it is definitely okay to advocate something even when we struggle with it. So if you do believe that sex should only be inside of marriage, you can advocate even if you struggle with it. Just be transparent about it. I struggle with all kinds of stuff that I don't advocate, and when I mention it, I try to be transparent at the same time.
Good stuff. I am subscribed to you. :-)
Now THIS is what I'm talking about! DIALOGUE!
ReplyDeleteThanks twin!!! Ok now I'll go back and actually read so I can comment. LOL