Mistakes Women Make

So today I found out that I was quoted in an article outlining the mistakes that women make while dating. It's an honor and I love it when my writing is featured in various places. I've been featured twice in Essence, newspapers all over the country, and more. Writing is therapy for me and I'm so excited when my life's experiences can touch others. The article was written by Jersey City Dating Advice Examiner Linda Dominique Grosvenor. If you'd like to read the entire article you may do so here. My "blurb" was on "Trying to Fix Him." I wrote:


Trying to Fix Him 

“We often equate the ‘super save a you-know-what” syndrome with men, but in all honesty it’s the women who struggle with this the most. We are inherently nurturing creatures with a knack for fixing what’s ‘broken.’ Now, in our defense we don’t ALWAYS do this on purpose; however, because we have been programmed to do so it’s hard to isolate this trait when dating.  Since my divorce, I’ve dated several men (older and younger) and all of them (even the one I’m now exclusively dating) had qualities that I wanted to immediately ‘fix.’ I knew that if I could help him to be ‘better’ I’d feel accomplished and he indebted to me. The repayment? Love.” 


There was a lot more that I wrote when she interviewed me because if you don't already know... I can be quite the verbose one. Here's the rest of my interview. Feel free to comment and agree or disagree with me. I welcome your dialogue. 


From my interview:

A friend of mine and I had a conversation recently that started with a question, “At what point do you settle? We all do it… just at different times.” She was stumped. Her first response was “never.” I called her bluff, “that’s impossible… the only perfect ‘man’ isn’t a man at all.” I went on to say, “and even then if you had him would he be enough? Or would you find something wrong with him so you can say you fixed him?”

I said all that to say, it’s a woman’s so called “rite of passage” to find a broken man and attempt to fix him. Otherwise… what sense of accomplishment would we have? We can do everything on our own remember?

“I could be congresswoman
Or a garbage woman or
Police officer, or a carpenter
I could be a doctor and a lawyer and a mother and a good girl
God what you've done to me
Kind of lover I could be
I could be a computer analyst, the Queen with the nappy hair raising her fist
Or I could be much more and a myriad of this…”

                                                                   ~ Jill Scott

Down to Nothing

This morning I woke up and the first thing God said to me was, "when you're down to nothing, I am up to something." I said, "hmm ok" and checked my bank account (I do this every morning). To my surprise I had $9.83. Not $983.00 but nine dollars and 83 WHOLE cents. The first thing I did was laugh. It was as if God was preparing me to see the "lack" that I'd just saw. For some odd reason this didn't phase me. Remember yesterday when I'd said that my issues were hitting me dead on? Well my post on peniaphobia can explain one of the biggest fears/issues I have. I'm terrified of being in poverty (read: broke). I literally get the shakes when I feel like I don't have enough money.... well at least I used to. As if I needed ANY further proof that God was/is working on me here comes this which actually brightened my day instead of making me break down and cry.

I went on about my usual routine, got the kids dressed, brewed my coffee, opened the fridge to make breakfast and paused. There wasn't a thing in it. Again, I laughed. Made sandwiches for lunch and fed the kids cereal for breakfast. I literally said out loud, "ok Abba here goes... I'm believing you for a supernatural blessing of XYZ dollars today. This blessing will come with no strings attached and I wont have to do anything outside of Your Will for me to get it." I smiled and continued about my day. On my morning call with my boyfriend I was more chipper than I'd been in a few days and as if on cue he told me to read his post. Funny, he'd not even planned to write that this morning but "something" (<--lol) prompted him to do it. Coincidence? Nope. It never is.

We talked, I laughed, and we hung up... well as we were talking an email came through (that of course I didn't know about b/c I have SPRINT and that isn't something SPRINT allows to happen - on the phone? That's all you gone get... no emails, bbms, nothing. I digress). The subject line of said email was:

"Time To Put You To Work"

It was from a client of mine whom I hadn't heard from in a while but I immediately knew that when I got this message that God was showing me exactly what He was up to. The body of the email basically just asked for my professional services and was literally OUT of the blue. It was all I could do not to scream but I simply, quietly, and earnestly said "Thank You."

Remember, when you're down to nothing... God is ALWAYS up to something...

Good Day Folks,

Blessed Indeed

I Promise

Today when I logged onto Twitter one of my followers was tweeting about her recent blog post on feeling abundantly blessed. I had to check myself. I vent a LOT and sometimes I have to stop myself and ask if I'm complaining or merely letting my frustrations go. You see, God is really working with me. There are things I know He's telling me to do but He hasn't shown me HOW to do them. That's a terrible place to be in (of sorts). It's like being stuck between the dark and the light...you know that 5:30am stage of the day when you can see that the sun IS going to rise but you can't quite turn your headlights off? Yeah that.

It's like I want to go allllll the way "to the left to the left" (yeah I had to reference Bey, lol) but I can't see where I'm going. Ever driven with one headlight? Yeah that's how I'm feeling right now. Of course I know the solution to this and it's called faith. Right? It's easy to talk about it. Being about it? A whole notha ball game. On another note I know I'm kinda to blame for this whole "Abba you workin my nerves" stage I'm in. I asked for it. My specific prayer was to "increase my capacity for you God so that your light can shine through me and others may see You in me." Apparently I musta been realllly empty or shallow because I'm being STRETCHED beyond imagination. My biggest fears and challenges are meeting me head on and I'd be a big fat liar if I said it didn't scare me and frustrate me at times. I ironically the ONLY time I feel "free" is in His presence. I don't think this is a coincidence at all. I just think it's a part of Him filling me to be more like Him.

Yesterday my Pastor really touched on this part of my life. It was like God used him to confirm everything that I was unsure about. Then this morning my boyfriend said pretty much verbatim what Pastor had said (although he doesn't know he did it... well now he does but whatever) on top of that today's scripture was:


"Don't overlook the obvious here, friends. With God, one day is as good as a thousand years, a thousand years as a day. God isn't late with his promise as some measure lateness. He is restraining himself on account of you, holding back the End because he doesn't want anyone lost. He's giving everyone space and time to change." 2 Peter 3:9


I guess this all means that God is here... and my fear and frustration is unwarranted. All in His timing I suppose...


Good Day Folks!


Me 

Random Thoughts

Today I was going to write about drama and people's need for it in order to thrive (or at least that's my perception) then I decided I wouldn't waste my precious energy on such foolishness.


After a tumultuous day yesterday I'm incredibly happy today. It had the potential to irk my nervous system for a myriad of reasons (including being hit by a cop running a red light - we're fine. It was low impact but still) but I'm so thankful for the way it ended that everything that happened took a back burner. 


I  also normally check Bible Gateway each morning (which was actually the way I was inspired most mornings when I was writing Daily Devotions) and today's scripture was my sole reason for not acknowledging any negativity or drama today. Here's what it said:

2 Thessalonians 3

Those Who Are Lazy

 ^1-3One more thing, friends: Pray for us. Pray that the Master's Word will simply take off and race through the country to a ground-swell of response, just as it did among you. And pray that we'll be rescued from these scoundrels who are trying to do us in. I'm finding that not all "believers" are believers. But the Master never lets us down. He'll stick by you and protect you from evil.


As we do and say on Twitter when someone says something we like "THIS!" This word was really right on time. I'd love nothing more for everyone in this world to be saved and know the peace that God brings but I've learned through "Just Say NO" that I can't save everybody and I've stopped trying to. 


I'd also like to take the time to thank my readers... all of you don't comment and most of you don't follow my blog but I read each email that comes to me and I thank you all for your encouragement. It's a blessing to touch so many lives.


G'Day!


LB

Soundtrack of My Life

Today I sat at my desk and wondered what songs would describe my life (over time and now). I put my iPOD on shuffle and just let my mind wander. I said that when I got home and got settled I'd sit and listen to all the music I have on shuffle and see what I come up with. This blog entry has the potential to be fairly long because if you know me you know music is a HUGE part of my life. There will be a mixture of songs here because I'm fairly versatile and I'd be surprised if it didn't take me hours or days to do this. I'll try and write a little "why" on why I chose each song but some of them will probably be self explanatory. Who knows, you may even learn something new about me.


*Warning* If you can't appreciate music... leave now. Giving music to someone to me is the greatest gift outside of love that one can get. Sit back, relax, and enjoy. 


Here goes:


Happy Being Me - Donald Lawrence feat Angie Stone





This one should be self explanatory but for the sake of non assumption... for a long time I didn't love me. If I'm being honest I didn't even like me. I didn't respect my body, my calling, my beauty, or anything else. Listening to the lyrics of this song made me fall in love with me all over again. I thank God for revealing my true "soul mate" to me. Her name is... Me. 

So happy being me, I'm regretting nothing

bout me. 

Too busy living life giving love... freely

I'm s

o happy being me

Still in Love - Beyonce

This is one of my favorite songs of all time. I love Beyonce *duh* but more than that I love "love" and "loving." I love hard and with all of me and I'm extremely loyal until... well I feel like it's pointless. This song touches me in so many ways. My favorite line in this song is:

I love you... more than music (This line says SO much about the person she's singing to because as an artist to love someone more than what makes you breathe is saying a lot)

How Great Is Our God - Full Gospel Church Fellowship

I've been through SO much in my life yet I haven't committed suicide, homicide, or some other 'cide.' If that doesn't speak to the greatest of God I don't know what does. He saved and forgave ME... of ALL people He loves ME. Which brings me to another touching song...

Just For Me - Donnie McClurkin

Just for me... and you too. 

Independent Women Part II - Destiny's Child

Don't depend on no man to give you what you want. Keep that in mind next time you hear this song...

I Need You - Jill Scott

I could be a congresswoman or a garbage woman, a police officer or carpenter. I could be a doctor and a lawyer and a mother and a 'good-god woman, what you done to me' kind of lover I can be. I could be a computer analyst, the queen with the nappy hair, raising the fist, or I could be much more and and a myriad of this. Hot as the summer, sweet as the first kiss. And even though I can do all these things, I need you. 

Confused yet? I know some of you are like... now how you gone be an independent woman who needs someone? Easy, we all do. I'm probably the most dependent independent person you'll meet. I can do anything...no really I can (and I've said this a gazillion times) I just don't WANT to have to do everything all the time. The hard part about being a person like me is recognizing what you don't NEED to do and letting someone meet the NEED for you. Master that? Stress won't be your middle name anymore. 

Believing in Me - Monica

This ENTIRE song speaks to my SOUL now. I've done some pretty foul stuff in my adult years but I had to apologize and forgive ME for doing what I've done. A part of that process was forgiving everyone that I felt like had wronged be and MOVING ON. To do that it takes believing in yourself again (or for the first time... whatever suits you).

...so i hope you can forgive me I'm not gonna be the way i used to be starting over can be so scary but I'm gonna believe promise I'm not gonna let me down and my transformation starting right now...

You Don't Know Me - T.I.

*Warning Explicit Lyrics*

Boy if this song aint the TRUTH? Goodness gracious I've experienced so many people who "know" me but have no idea who I am lately that every time I hear this song I go crazy. The lyrics are right on point.

Yeah you know they call me "T.A." but n*gga you don't KNOW ME...

Nothing Even Matters - Lauryn Hill feat D'Angelo 

(both of whom are stone cold crazy now... but I digress)

"Be who are you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind..." - Dr. Seuss (originally quoted by Bernard Baruch)

Can't Hide Love - Earth, Wind, & Fire

Can't hide love... I stopped trying to a long time ago.

Can I Live - Jay Z

*Warning Explicit Lyrics*

I'm a HUGE Jay-Z fan. I happen to think he's a lyrical genius. This is my ALL time favorite Jay-Z song. It has been and forever will be. If you've never listened to it but have heard it.... try again.

I'd rather die enormous than live dormant that's how we on it

Far Away - Kindred (The Family Soul)

Have you ever just wanted to disappear? Just go to a far away land and be "happy?" Have you ever gotten yourself into a situation or relationship and years later forgot the reasons you got together in the first place? I did. Good thing I learn from my mistakes...

Jesus Take the Wheel - Carrie Underwood

This song is deeper than a lot of people know. I remember when the song first came out people would laugh b/c I'd constantly be somewhere yelling "Jesus take the wheel..." I wasn't joking... how do you think I am where I am today? I pulled over and let Him drive. 

Jesus take the wheel... take it from my hands... cause I can't do this on my own. I'm letting go...

Cowboy Take Me Away - Dixie Chicks

I'm country so sue me... this is one of the prettiest love songs I've ever heard. It's so simple just like me. The smallest things make me happy like bugs, dirt, and nature. I love to be barefoot. I'm a Southern Belle. I even have a "twang." *bats eyelashes*

I wanna touch the Earth.. I wanna break it in my hands...It sounds so good to me

Ironic - Alanis Morrisette

Story of my life... Irony. 

Survivor - Destinys Child

Through the irony... I survived.

I'm a survivor I'm not gone give up I'm not gone stop... I'm gone work harder

He Always Makes A Way - James Fortune

The title is enough to make me go IN... and whenever I feel like I can't see my way out I listen to this (and a couple of others). James Fortune has a way of writing music that you "need."

He brought you through.. and He helped you make it.. through all the pain... He will come through. There's one thing that you must remember about my God... He always makes a way.

Look Up - Tye Tribbett

Looking up requires faith because you can't see where you're going. *nod*

 I cant keep on ..somethings gotta give... this is no way for me to live I get so frustrated sometimes the very things I do I hate it sick of falling for every trap thats set for me its time for me to have the victory but I found my answer in the word he gave with every temptation theres a way of escape and I believe every word is true so I know what I gotta do.

Chains - Kirk Franklin

I have no words... the song says it all.

The Closer I Get To You - Lutha *pause* and Beyonce

This is actually here for one reason and one reason only. I remember getting a DM that said "999-999-9999" (that basically said.. yeah so are you going to see what's in front of you or keep coming up with excuses as to why you are blind?) It's not for anyone but said person to "get"

Angel of Mine - Monica

Angels are real. Period

When I'd lost all hope.. you showed me love

**record scratch - I'm getting tired. I've been at this for hours but before I go I MUST include my favorite song of all time. No seriously... if I have a funeral I want this song played. I'm so sincere.**

See you later folks,

*giggle*

Just say NO!

I have a problem. I can't say no. I seriously have an issue with telling people "no I can't help you" or "no I aint got it." It's like a never ending cycle.

Someone asks me for something or to do something

I know I don't want to do it or don't have it

I respond, let me see what I can do...

I then do the very thing I didn't want to do in the first place

Why?

Acceptance or Happiness. See my problem is, I want to do unto others as I would like to have them do unto me. SADLY, the world doesn't work that way. If I had 50% of 50% of what other people owe me I could probably retire in the islands. If I had the support from others that I give I would probably be God knows where by now. (Of course in the grand scheme of life I'm exactly where God wants me... but that's another blog for another day)

I'm learning that it's perfectly ok to be and make selfish decisions at times. If not I'll have nothing to offer anyone else but resentment.

I think I'm going to take today to say no... just because I can (or can't - depends on how you look at it). If it makes someone mad b/c I wont give them my last dime or slither of energy I don't need them around anyway. I hope everyone I started with today will still be around by the time the day is over.

Great Day People!

Signed,

I said HELL no

Weekend Recap

So as I sit here... I'm trying to decide if I want to really go into everything that happened this weekend (starting Thursday). You see I want to share all the happiness that I have right now but something tells me that when or if I do... I'll have to cuss someone all the way OUT for voicing their opinion(s) about what I'm doing with my life.

Of course, I probably shouldn't (or actually don't) give two hells about opinions... probably because I'm known to give an unsolicited opinion or two myself and I never really care what people have to say about it. (I'm a work in progress - so... eff it...)

Thursday

It was a LONG day for me on Thursday b/c after lots of praying and back and forth with myself I decided that the kids could meet the man I'm dating. Of course he wasn't introduced as such but simply by Mr. His First Name. It wasn't their "first" time meeting him persé because they'd both encountered him years ago. Granted they were both dang near infants when they did but that's beside the point. He apparently made an impression on one of them b/c said child remembered him before I even brought him up years later. I digress.

So anyway, they'd been looking forward to this date all week. They were UBER excited asking "is today Thursday" every day and picking out clothes to wear and the like. I thought it was cute but in the back of my mind I couldn't help but wonder WHY on EARTH they were so excited about someone they'd never "met." I let it ride and continued to smile on the inside for the small blessings. After all, I've learned to be careful what I ask for b/c dang if God doesn't keep giving me the desires of my heart that fall into line with His will for my life. 

His slated arrival was "before 8" so when I got the "I'm on my way" text around 7:15 I was nervous as all get out. I even changed clothes 3 times. *smh* I went from jeans, to shorts, to finally settling on a sun dress. Syd followed suit. (Although she likes to change clothes unnecessarily anyway) I won’t even lie...I was looking out of the window and pacing the whole time he was on his way b/c I just wanted him to get here already. When he pulled up they immediately recognized his car (they'd ask what they should be looking for) and starting jumping up and down. Then they yelled "ok let's go hide." It was all I could do not to crack up, but my sweaty palms wouldn't allow me to do a thing but breathe hard. *eye roll* I'm so dramatic sometimes. He came to the door and knocked. I let Syd open it since she begged and all three of them lit up when they saw each other. Their reaction was all I needed... cause as you very well know: Kids don't hide NATHAN! Before we could get out of the house good Alex got so excited that he ran, slipped, and fell. I tried my best not to baby him.... didn't work. Lord have mercy. LOL

We went to dinner at the "Factory" (as the kids call it). I'd already warned him that they were excited so not to be alarmed if they were doing the "most." Surely enough we got to the restaurant and they BOTH went to his side of the table to sit. I just chuckled. Dinner went as smooth as it could with a talkative three and four year old in tow and we were all so full that desert wasn't an option (at least not after 9'oclock at night anyway). It was a great evening. 

Friday

This night was all about mommy and her adult date. Maxwell and Jill were in town and we had tickets to the show. Now I love me some Jill AND Maxwell so I was excited as all get out about this show and the company I had with me. :) I let Syd pick out what I was going to wear... all the way down to my earrings. I'd like to think she did a great job based on his reaction when he picked me up. His words were "I hate to see you go but I love watching you walk away." I liketa melted into a puddle RIGHT then and there on the sidewalk. 

The show was absolutely amazing... but I don't really think that had all that much to do with the people on stage. We both love music and he sang almost every song TO me. I felt like the only woman in the entire arena (and trust and believe there were lots of them - short. tall. fat. skinny. butch. not... I mean). He made sure to cater to my needs (the need to be held, the need for chicken fingers and fries, to be hugged and kissed, and more). I've never felt so...I don't even have a word to describe it. 

We also got to meet Maxwell... but I was so over him by that point it really didn't move me one way or another. I was still on my high.

I got home and we did our usual...me stay up until he makes it home and he calls me to let me know he made it.  For some reason we were on the phone longer than usual after being together. After about 40 minutes (and the clock striking... I dunno 3 something in the morning?) we both were like "welp... time to go..."

Something else "out of the ordinary" happened that night morning: we ended the call with "I love you." Dunno where it came from...it just seemed natural. I slept like a baby...

UNTIL...

Saturday

My alarm blared at 5:47am like it normally does... and I wanted to cuss somebody ANYBODY out. I couldn't though... it was my fault, I set it. LOL 

The kids and I did an outreach even with the Young Adult ministry at church. We worked a "carnival" at a women and children's shelter in DC. It was SO rewarding. I didn't even complain about how hot I was (that much, lol). The highlight of my day though was my son... I heard him say to another little boy that lived in the shelter, "Here you can have my train. My mommy says I'm blessed to have more at home. Do you like it?" The little boy smiled and said yes and my son hugged him. That was so important to me b/c not only does it speak volumes about him as a child but also about me as a parent. I try really hard to instill those values in my children and teach them that it's not always "about them." Thank you Abba for assisting me in this. 

The rest of the day was a somewhat lazy one. We'd been out in the sun all day and rest was needed. 

Sunday

Sunday was great... I'd rather not go into all the why and hows but just know that I'm a blessed woman. Period.

*now playing*




"The Truth" - India.Arie

Happy Monday People...

Signed,

Me