Are you Positive?

"For myself I am an optimist - it does not seem to be much use being anything else” Winston Churchill

Someone asked me today, "why and how are you always so happy?" I responded, "oh that's simple... I refuse to be anything else." I'm one of the few people I know that very rarely gets upset. Of course I have my moments but most of the time it's a multitude of complied bullshit that sends me completely over the edge. Thinking back though, I can remember a time when I was a complete HOT head. Some would say I had a bad temper even... I wanted to solve every problem with my fists. Over the years though I learned that no one or thing should have that much control over my thoughts emotions and actions and thus "positivity" was birthed. 


Since this wonderful transformation (lol *smiley face*) I've been called passive and asked what happened to the "passionate Tasha." My response is always the same... if erratic behavior equates to passion about a particular thing or subject, you can have it. I remember my boss saying to me "does anything bother you?" When I told her "no" and kept working she stood there dumbfounded. I guess being over the top is expected of us as people... ionno I'm really not sure. 


So how do I remain positive you ask? Well I'll share my little secret with you. It's really a simple concept but it takes discipline to do it. Sure we all hear the age old question are you a glass half empty or a glass half full person. Most of us always answer with a resounding "glass half full." Are you really practicing that behavior though? Most often... not. Whenever I am confronted with a negative thought I now (audibly might I add) say "positivity." I've been in public and had something crazy pop into my mind and yelled "positivity." Folks probably thought I was crazy but for the sake of my OWN well being... I just didn't give a damn. It's important not to take a glass half empty approach to life. When things seem to be bad look deep into that situation for the positive things. Sure gas is high…but thank God you have a job to pay for it. Ok you hate your job…I can name a few people who would love to trade places with you. In changing your “outlook” also remember to “look up.” Often times we look to those around us for help but we fail to look up. The message is simple and doesn’t need a lot of elaborate explanation: When you feel like your life is looking grim…look around, smile, and look up.

If you're going through hell... keep going.

P.S.

10 reasons why you should become more positive

1. You will create a better world around you as your surroundings will become affected and change due to your positive thoughts and actions.

2. You will make better first impressions. Everyone stereotypes, whether they want or not. A positive first impression can mean a lot in many situations and have a lasting effect throughout your relationship with that person.

3. You will focus on the good things in people. Not their faults. This will make things much better overall and improve all kinds of relationships.

4. It´s easier to become more productive when you stop laying obstacles in the middle of the road in the form of negative thoughts.

5. Work becomes more fun. Everything becomes more fun.

6. You become more attractive. People like positive people. Positive people make other people feel good about themselves and they don´t drag the mood down. Also, a positive attitude is an indicator – and source – of high self-confidence, a quality that just about everyone is attracted to.

7. Being negative has very little concrete advantages and is not a very empowering way to look at life.

8. It opens up your mind to focus on other ways of looking at things. Sometimes wonderful new ways you might not ever have thought about or experienced before.

9. It puts the Law of Attraction to better use. The Law of Attraction basically says: whatever you think about you attract into your life. As you replace the negative thoughts with positive thoughts you will start to attract more positive opportunities and people into your life.

10. You´ll waste less time. Negativity can be like a self-feeding loop. First you think one negative thought. It leads you to three more. And then you start examining your life in deeper detail through a depressing lens. When you get into a vicious cycles like this it can eat up hours, weeks and years of your life. It can drain a lot of your energy whilst trapping you in paralysis by analysis. And you probably won´t become that much wiser in the process. 

*taken from http://www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2007/02/09/take-the-positivity-challenge/*

"Divorced Not Dead"

It's about time I put the rumors to rest and speak on this issue. If you know me you know how incredibly private I can be about my personal life...on the other hand if you know me you know I can also be an open book of sorts. I've always said that if my life experiences can help someone else then I'm all for sharing them. With that being said...

I'm DIVORCED not DEAD!

It is AMAZING the questions people ask me about my divorce, dating, living, etc. True no one marries to divorce... that's like buying a car to crash it into a brick wall. However, there's something to be said for a man or woman that can marry, divorce, and MOVE ON with life. For some reason people expect divorced people to mourn over a dead relationship the same way they would

mourn over a dead body/person. I disagree. Yes, you may need time to heal after a marriage dissolves but those that have been in the position I am in also know that if you are divorced or divorcing your relationship was terminally ill for a while and it died a slow painful death. After experiencing something like that... why WOULDN'T you want to move on?

I recently had a conversation with a guy I reconnected with from college. Do you know this dude had the nerve to say, "I'd love to take you out but I'm afraid you'll start crying." I couldn't help but laugh but it was the most absurd thing I'd ever heard in all my 27 years on this earth. (If you're reading this... laugh with me, lol) Divorced does not automatically equate to overly emotional dried up and bitter. If anything my having been married before is the experience that's needed to make things work a second time around. Most jobs require experience right? To ME I know the mistakes NOT to make if marriage happens for me again.

Yes, I can date. No, I wont break down and cry when I do it. Yes, I'm divorced. No, I'm not going to spontaneously combust if you approach me. I don't have the plague people...

I read a very true quote today and I'm going to adopt it as my own..."I got married, I had kids, I got a divorce...and now I'm pursuing life on MY terms" (I use MY loosely cause what God says for me to do... I do...now.) Divorce can easily feel like a LONG drawn out death and just like an actual death, you must not only go through the grief cycle (bargaining, denial, anger, depression, acceptance) - one must ALSO begin to rebuild. That's exactly what I'm doing. I've accepted my divorce I've also accepted I am NOT damaged goods. I know my worth and I refuse to be defined my silly stigmas like divorce = personal demise. I'm just fine people... in fact I'm still standing.

Monica said it best...whatever don't kill ya makes ya stronger...well I must be the worlds strongest woman.

Still Standing...You can bet your last that my head won't hit the floor... never.

Twitter/FB Is The Devil...

Can someone please take immature ass people's internet privileges away? Please? Here lately I've been struggling with this. I've tried not to say anything about it but good LORD when will it end? Ok so it's not supposed to bother me but dammit it does. I understand all too well the need to vent but I also understand how disrespectful it is to air your laundry (be it dirty or clean) on a worldwide medium for all to see. What do you get out of telling everyone how much you hate your ex? Or telling the world how much more your new boo does that your ex couldn't or wouldn't do? Doesn't that make YOU look the ass in the situation? Better yet, why do you have the courage to say all the things your (wo)man wont (or didn't) do all over the internet but you never bothered to discuss (candidly) those same things WITH him or her?

Ionno, I guess I'm just different because I'm not about to be sending subliminal messages through tweets and facebook status' hoping that if I type real hard with my eyes closed while humming a hymn the person it's really meant for will see it and process it.

Another thing that gets on my friggin nerves is... people who jump on the bandwagon with that BS by retweeting it or "liking" the status on FB. I mean really? Do you really support that crap? It makes me wonder what kinds of friends these people have. I thank GOD for my friends because they will call ME on my crap in a new york minute and not think twice about it. At the same time those people when they see me wronged wont stand by and let it happen either. I love ya'll and you know exactly who you are.

Now some may say... well isn't this blog entry rather passive aggressive? To them I say... yup, it is BUT the difference between THIS passive aggressive post and THOSE passive aggressive posts is I fully intend to send a link of this post to the person who needs to see it. *pow*

Have a wonderful and eventful day!

ThinMint

Luke 6:37

^37-38"Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. Don't condemn those who are down; that hardness can boomerang. Be easy on people; you'll find life a lot easier. Give away your life; you'll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity.

You Inspire Me...

I haven't blogged in months... and truth be told I don't have shit to really talk about NOW. There are so many new things that have happened since the last time I blogged (including me moving to Virginia). The move has been smooth and rough all at the same time but all in all I'm really glad I did it. It feels great to be "self" for the first time in my adult life. I've always been defined or associated with someone else or by a "title" I held... but now? Now I'm free to pursue the things and or people that make me happy.

I've also decided that it's about time I get over my fear of deer... b/c if I don't I'll stroke out before long. There are more deer in Virginia than there are roaches in the project. I mean they just roam jump AND play everywhere. One night as I was driving home from the movie theater (hmm maybe I'll go see a movie tonight..anyway) which is about a mile or two from my apartment I encounter 8 (EIGHT) deer. I finally pulled over and just blinked rapidly like "ok girl get your shit to get THA!" I still flinch when I see them but I had to learn NOT to close my eyes... shoot otherwise I may as well drive asleep.

Speaking of sleeping... I took an Ambien one night and let me say I'll NEVER do THAT crap again. I woke up feeling all refreshed and stuff only to find that I'd apparently fixed me some food AND drink, took a few pics with my phone, rinsed my dishes, and banged the dog shit outta my knee.... ALL IN MY SLEEP! I noticed the big black bruise on my knee the next morning as I was drying off and thought "oh dang I guess I hit my knee while moving..." then I walked into my kitchen and saw dishes in my sink. I said to myself, "Self.. I know you washed all the dishes you had last night (I aint got but a few anyway) so where did these dishes come from?" SUDDENLY a conversation about the side effects of Ambien came flooding back... and I'd realized... well damn I was sleep walking/eating/washing/pic taking/knee bumping. I'm just glad I didn't go outside (or if I did I locked the doors when I came back in). Needless to say... NEVER again.

The adventure continues... stay tuned for more.

p.s. I really don't feel like spell checkin either... love you tho.

Sometimes I Feel Like a Fish Outa Water...

(first excuse the formatting... I just didn't feel like doing it... lol)

Yeah and I'm not afraid to admit... sometimes I'm just LOST in life. I wake up some mornings and I just cry b/c I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. Other days I love life (well most days) to the fullest and don't care what anyone says about a "path" because I create my own. Living like that can drive you insane...

Good thing I've got the Lord on my side.

So I haven't blogged in a minute and as a matter of fact had it not been for my friend and soror I probably wouldn't be blogging right now. However, she said something in her blog that prompted me to write:

There's NOTHING BETTER than people who truly love you...and I'm lucky enough to be surrounded by those folks. I know they are just a phone call/email/text/@reply/smoke signal away and that they'd ride for me til the wheels fall off...that's TRUE FRIENDSHIP

I wholeheartedly agree except...it seems like EVERY single time I "befriend" someone I end up getting screwed. Now under normal circumstances I'd be like what the hell is wrong with me... and well.. this is a normal circumstance. I've come to the conclusion that I'm just TOO damned nice. (Believe THAT?) I am... I do do do do do do do and when I need I don't say anything for fear that I'll be judged. (Sound like a need a shrink yet?)I dunno why I'm like that but I am... some would call it pride. I'd probably agree. I've probably published this before but I think this poem sums up some of the "issues" in friendship that I have. It's called Paintbrush:

I keep my paint brush with me

Wherever I may go,
In case I need to cover up
So the real me doesn’t show.
I’m so afraid to show you me,
Afraid of what you’ll do – that
You might laugh or say mean things.
I’m afraid I might lose you.

I’d like to remove all my paint coats
To show you the real, true me,
But I want you to try and understand,
I need you to accept what you see.
So if you’ll be patient and close your eyes,
I’ll strip off all my coats real slow.
Please understand how much it hurts
To let the real me show.

Now my coats are all stripped off.
I feel naked, bare and cold,
And if you still love Me with all that you see,
You are my friend, pure as gold.

I need to save my paint brush, though,
And hold it in my hand,
I want to keep it handy
In case somebody doesn’t understand.
So please protect me, my dear friend
And thanks for loving me true,
But please let me keep my paint brush with me
Until I love me, too.

This poem has been one of my favorites since childhood... b/c it's the truth. I really just don't trust anyone with my secrets or my fears and hurts. I've adopted the philosphy that if I don't want it repeated I don't share it. Sad huh?What say you world? How do you deal with friends? Are you 100% open? Is there one person that you can share any and everything with knowing it wont be repeated and you wont be judged?

I'm starting to believe that I have a people like that in my life... and I'm sure they will read this blog and smile b/c they know I'm talking about them. I'll try not to hold my past experiences against them considering they had nothing to do with how dirty people have done me before... Pray for me.

Aint Nobody Tol' Me Nuthin!

Today I was thinking about how there are so many things that I WISH someone would have given me a heads up on before I began to walk into those situations. As a parent, I now strive to ensure that my children are as educated about life as they can possibly be. With that being said here are a few of those things that I wish I'd known sooner:

1. Love THY self - Ok this one seems simple enough right? Yeah I thought so too... ONCE I got the hang of it. Sadly, I was well into my 20s before I figured out this concept. (For those of you who know how old I am... you're probably like "she just entered her 'well into 20s years'... you're right, that means I JUST figured out to love my OWN self. See the trick to loving anyone else is loving yourself first. A lot of people pour more into other people while neglecting their own well being. Been there done that... and now I'm sharing with you to not do it. Sometimes it's perfectly ok to be selfish as long as that selfishness isn't detrimental to your relationship with God (first) and family (second).

2. You only have ONE reputation - This goes hand in hand with loving yourself. I've made some serious mistakes in life. As a matter of fact I would venture to say that if it weren't for God I'd be a disease riddled, felon, in a pine box, buried in someones back yard. REAL TALK. Young ladies, don't do anything that you will be ashamed to admit later. That older guy on campus? (You know.. the football player with the million dollar smile?) Tell him to pop CeCe Penistons cd in and "keep on walkin." Yield not to temptation people... for temptation can ruin your reputation (often times before you even realize what hit you).

3. Your credit is more important that any other "thing" on Earth - Luckily I had the sense to read up on this credit thing and learn the ropes because prior to my early twenties I had NO idea what credit was and why I needed it. You see credit at a young age is easy to obtain and even easier to ruin. The bad part is, no one tells you anything about it until it's completely ruined and they want to help you "fix" it. Truth me told, there's no real "fix" to credit but time and discipline. Take it from me... just do right the FIRST time.

4. Marriage is HARD - I don't mean like Calculus hard. I mean like solving the nuclear code hard (is that even possible?) I mean like stubbing your pinky toe for the 3rd time on the SAME bed that has been there for years and now you want to cuss but you're trying to stop hard. I mean loving and hating someone at the same time hard. I mean Jesus be a fence all around me HARD! Don't let the tv shows fool ya. Weddings are nice... weddings are pretty... but no amount of money spent on an extravagant ceremony will prepare you for what happens after you say "I do." I would offer the key to keeping a marriage together and making it easier... but truth me told I'm still looking for it. Anyone have it? (and I don't mean something you THINK will work) Please feel free to let a sista know. As for now? I'll keep working.

5. If someone shows you who they are... believe them - I don't mean that people don't change. I mean... if someone is consistently one way when you're around them best believe when you're gone they are the EXACT same way. For example, the very same people that you sit around and talk about others with talk about you as SOON as you leave the room. That's life... that's how it works... so again: LISTEN WHEN PEOPLE ARE TELLING YOU WHO THEY ARE. (I'm guilty of the same thing... that's how I know)

6. True friends don't have to tell you they are true friends - I swear if I hear one more person feel the need to announce how great of a friend they are I'll probably scream. Most of the time? Your true friends are the ones you least expect. They are the ones interceding for you and you don't even know it. They are the ones defending you when your announcy "friends" are dogging you behind your back. They are the ones who'll slide the money for the bill you can't pay to the bill collector and never say a word about it... THOSE are the true friends. Don't be so quick to announce your BFF to everyone.... 9 times out of 10 that person aint your friend either.

7. It's ok to say no - I had (have) this one BAD. For some reason it's just hard for me to tell folks no. Learn to be ok with saying "No, I can't" "No, I don't have it" "No, you may not". It's empowering and sometimes folks just need to be told... NO.

8. What goes on in your house/apartment/car/truck/plane/boat (you get me?) stays in that place - I believe it's human nature to want to share your issues or problems with someone (or anyone) that will listen. Often times, we like to seek those who will validate our opinions, etc about a particular situation. One word of advice? Don't. Granted I have trust issues, but I realllllly don't trust anyone but God with my deep dark secrets. I live by the philosophy - If you don't want it repeated... don't repeat it.

9. Learn to take criticism - By this I mean constructive or not... learn to accept that you aren't perfect and whether you like what's being said or not be ok with taking the information and learning with and from it. I've learned to not be offended all the time by things people say to or about me. Sometimes, I may have needed to hear that I talk too much or that my pants were too tight. I'm ok with that... you should be too.

10. Don't argue with fools - Have you ever heard the saying, "never argue with fools... because people from a distance can't tell who is who?" It's true... nuff said.

I'm sure there are more... and I'll probably add to this list for years to come... but these were just a few that came to mind as I pondered life. Feel free to add to my list. Lady Doss

Peniaphobia

Is there a such thing as a phobia of being broke? According to a Google search there is. It's call Peniaphobia and I think I have it. Peniaphobia is defined as the "fear of poverty or being placed in a situation of lack." Ya'll I literally break out in a sweat if my bank account has less that a certain amount in it. I hate feeling like I can't go and purchase what I want (and often times those wants are only things like food, gas, clothing for my children, etc).  Just the thought of not being able to provide for us makes me physically ill. I guess that's why I'm such a hustle woman. If I can't find a job? I create my own company and employ myself. If my oil needs to be changed and I can't pay for it? I change it myself. 

I also think growing up broke as hell attributes to this phobia. I don't want my kids to EVER know what it's like to eat corn flakes with water 3 times a day in the summer. Or to look forward to going to school everyday because you knew that at least two hot meals were guaranteed. I don't want them to know what it feels like to never get a new pair of anything. Granted I LOVE hand me downs but I want them to get the feeling of opening a new pair of shoes or a new shirt. I love the fact that they have a nice home to live in. I love the fact that they both have tvs in their rooms. I think it really boils down to me wanting my children to have everything I didn't (and I don't just mean materials). 

As far as I'm concerned, I think a lot of the things I do for me now are to make up for my desolate childhood. I get my hair fixed and nails done because I know how good it makes me feel JUST to be able to do it. Some folks may call me materialistic... I say whatever makes you happy is what you should do. Granted, I'm one bargain shopper when I do shop but I have no issue shopping (*cheese*). All in all, being a broke child, teenager, and hell young adult has taught me to work hard and never stop hustling. I've learned a lot in my 25 (plus a few) years on this earth and one of them is...

I'm scared of being BROKE!

Night!

You Can Catch More Flies With Honey...

Than you can with that jacked up ass attitude you're sporting. Can SOMEONE... ANYONE... tell me why some women are the way they are? I swear if I hear one more woman tear "all men" down in one breath and complain about not having a "good man" because there "are none out there" I may just scream and pull my hair out strand by strand. (and if you know me you KNOW how precious my tresses are to me)

NOW, don't get me wrong... there are some trifling sons of bitches out there. You know, the ones that lie about the girlfriend (or worse wife) that's at home waiting on him to bring the pull ups he left 6 hours ago to retrieve from Baby's R Us that's now closed and has been for 2 hours.  Or the one who has the unsuspecting girlfriend who doesn't know they broke up because he doesn't really have the balls to tell her. Yeah them... 

HOWEVER that doesn't mean that ALL men are liars and trife. There are some GOOD men out there ladies but you can't see the sugar for the shit.

A small word of advice. Stop asking your girlfriends (who are probably lonely and dried up too) about why men do what they do or why they think the way they think. I'll be willing to bet if you pull a man to the side and ask him... you'll get more than your girlfriends speculations. Also, can we PLEASE stop with this "independent" talk? I mean yeah I GET that you can run the office from 9-5 but ya'll gone have to learn to HUMBLE yourselves sometimes.  It's ok to let a man be a man. It's ok to let him open your door. Hell it's ok for your "buy my dinner because I have a cooTch" ass to pay sometimes. 

Make a man feel like a man... show him you care... show him you need him (even if you don't) and I'll bet you all will be sending out save the dates in the near future. If not... keep doing what you're doing. It's working well for you, right?

*end rant*

Night!

Give It A REST Already...

Ok people...

I know I shouldn't give this any more "media" attention that it already has but can we STOP with the Mike Vick shit already??? I'm tired of seeing pictures of dogs, people with dogs, people without dogs but want dogs, and the like parading in front of television cameras bashing Mike Vick and how he should never be allowed to play football again. Can we STOP with the double standard already?!? The man pitted (no pun intended) DOGS against each other!!! It's a sad world we live in when four legged creatures with the IQ of a nut are valued more than human life. 

Like... I love T.I. but how this n-word gone have MACHINE GUNS (among other DEADLY weapons) and get a reality show and a reduced sentence?? My theory is this: Mike Vick committed a crime against white people by killing their beloved dogs. T.I. committed a crime against black people (b/c his plan was to blast on a few niggas, right?). We are ALL (or at the very least SHOULD be) aware of the racial disparity(ies) in the Criminal Justice system and this shit here is a PRIME example of it. 

I was reading an article in the AJC this morning and I saw this quote: 

“I don’t even feel like living in Hampton anymore — that’s how adamant I am about him being here, and I’ve lived here all my life,” she said. “I hope when he comes here that he’s not as comfortable as he thinks he’s going to be.”

I immediately researched some crime stats for Hampton and came across this:

• 1 in every 634 people are registered sex offenders (notice the registered... no telling how many are molesting folks and aint got caught yet).
  
• In 7 of the last 9 years Hampton's murder rates were higer than the national average.
• Folks in Hampton like to steal... and by steal I mean ROB your ass because for every 100,000 people living in Hampton 200 of them had been violently robbed. (as per CityData.com)
• Oh and property crime is off the chain... actually there are 3306 property crimes per year per 100,000 people living in Hampton.

Now you may say... that doesn't sound like a lot. I beg to differ. The population of Hampton, VA (in 2006) was only 147,000. (http://hampton.areaconnect.com/statistics.htm).

I said that to say this: to the idiot who is uncomfortable living next to a person with a "god awful" dog fighting conviction... stupid ass you're more likely living next to a rapist, drug dealing, murderer who steals your cars, jewels, and potted plants. Uggh 

*stepping off soapbox*

I would end by saying Mike Vick I hope you recover and become the NFL MVP for the next 26 years... but that's about as likely as the people of Hampton, VA inviting him to sing kumbyah at the next camp meeting.

Have a great afternoon folks!

Wow....

I'm convinced... I love the hell outta myself. Like there are days when I look in the mirror and get aroused. *smh* It's so much so that my new theme song is "Wow" by Kinfolk Kia Shine. As GHETTO as the song is it goes HARD on the chorus. Even better than that one line in the song says "Everytime I get dressed... I start a new trend." Isn't the absolute hotness? 

Here's the ghetofab hoodtastic video: ( I tried to embed this shit but it wouldn't let me... so anyhow..)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOsCHtMgtAw 

Moving along... I said I would start blogging again so here goes. If I don't blog just nudge me and hold me to it. I really enjoy it and I love the fact that my stories make people laugh, sometimes I just don't feel like doing this shit.

So I'm extremely excited about my weekend. I don't have a THING planned (really) but just knowing that the weekend is coming is enough for me.

Before I go, I want to pose a question... do you have anyone in your life that just annoys the shit outta you? Like their mere existence makes you cringe? Like when they speak your skin crawls? I do... and it's beginning to get on my FUCKING nerves

*scuse my french*

Night!!

I'm baaaccck!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So yeah... I haven't blogged since last year. (ok corny joke but whatever)

In any event, a LOT has been happening since then.. more than I have time (or care to) write about. I just wanted to announce that I'm back and I'm NEW & IMPROVED!

I'd love more than anything to stop using four letter words... and with the help of the Lord I will. Amen.

G'day folks,

Lady Doss

P.S. I'm working on a book of daily devotions and a book about... well me. Stay tuned for details on THAT but in the mean time, if you want to subscribe... and please do... send an email to:

ladydossdailyword@gmail.com