How much are you worth?

Over the long weekend I watched a LOT of tv (most of it being reality tv) and it got me to thinkin...how much am I worth? What's the price that I'm willing to go on national tv and act an ass or worse? Last night after a lot of thinking, I concluded that no price was worth my self respect and dignity. It amazed me how some people acted for $50,000 (Charm School) or $1 Million (Survivor). I'm not picking on these two shows but this is just to give you a general idea of the type of TV I'm talking about.

What I don't understand is are these people's self esteem THAT low that they feel the need to act out on television to understand their self worth (or lack there of)? Take Dustin (Screech from Saved By The Bell) for example, he is trying so hard to dispose of that 'fantasy' image that he's downright disgusting. He has no respect for others or himself and his reason is 'it makes good tv.' Another example is Larissa (Bootz from 'Flava of Love'). I don't know what to say or think about her. On one hand I HOPE and PRAY she's doing all 'this' for tv but on the other hand I think it's who she really is. I want to believe that she is the way she is for fame and fortune but I don't know. Lastly, Flava Flav....God where do I begin? What scares me is I really think he is ok with manipulating people and making them look downright sad on tv to make a little change here and there. Do I believe he's looking for love? Hell no. Do I believe he's 'out to get his?' Hell yes. How do I know? I heard him say it on radio. It seems to me that people would stop falling into the traps of these reality tv shows and such...but then again what's their price?

I guess I can't say too much about that though...it does make good tv. I'm a reality tv fanatic at heart but you would never catch me acting stupid for a check...that's just not me.

G'day folks,

Lady Doss

Emotions

Have you ever come in contact with someone who just drains you emotionally? It's almost as if you are fine until you get around them and all of a sudden all happiness and glee is sucked right out of you? How do you handle something like that? Do you try to cheer them up or just accept that they are stuck with a permanent black cloud over their head? Do you pray for them or just pretend they aren't affecting you? People have always called me emotional (b/c of my connection with ALL of my emotions *wink*). I love hard, hate even harder, and wont hesitate to let you know when I'm sad. Why can't all people be like that? I mean you don't have to take it to the extreme that I do (b/c I can be quite dramatic at times) but seriously, some people need to learn when to let things out and let things go. I equate people who hold on to things to people who drink Clorox with their dinner. Why keep those toxins in? Why jeopardize your well being over something you can't control? Let those feelings OUT and move on. I also can't stand people who get upset at you or over something you've done and pretend like you're the best thing that's ever happened to them when they know something is bothering them. They have what I like to call the "What's wrong, nothing..." syndrome. There is also a group of people out there who have the "This makes me sad, mad, depressed, etc. but I'm not going to do anything about it...syndrome." These people really irritate me b/c they don't (won't or can't) do anything about the situation they are in. For example, if your toe is broken what good is you talking about how bad it hurts and how it makes you feel if you wont go to the doctor? Sorry for the vent...I just can't take much more. If I have one more person e-mail me, call me, or come up to me with a black cloud over their heads and refuses to do something about it I think I may just scream. Depression is real people...seek help.

Anyhow, this weekend (well actually on Sunday) we went to Chattanooga and I was again reminded why I left that wretched place. I mean it was nice to see the people who I call friends but I kept asking myself if it was really worth the irritation. I'd like to believe that things change...but in a lot of aspects they really don't. The same people at the church are in the same position they were in when we left. They are sitting in the same pew, singing the same songs, shouting the same way, wearing the same clothes, & still fake. I honestly don't think I want to ever go back to visit. After this weekend I really think that chapter in my life is over and I am closing that book for good. Chattanooga was the last chapter in my "First Quarter of my Life" book. I'm now working on the "Second Quarter of my Life" book and I pray that all the mistakes I made and all the crap I endured wont even be remembered in this second book of my life. For 25 years I suffered (sometimes by my own hand and others not) and that's just not how I want to live moving forward. I want to forget all those things and only take from them the lessons learned and the strength I took from it. To do that I have to leave some things and people behind. I mean there are a handful (IF THAT) of people that I want to keep by my side and I don't want to name names b/c some of the 'left behind' people may read this message. (I know you are thinking...'you normally don't care what you say' and I really don't care if they know or not...it'll just make it easier not to endure the drama associated with writing someone off for good). Those who I chose to keep by my side will know it b/c I will be sure to let them know.

Lastly, today my solider (my brother and my friend) leaves for his tour of duty in Iraq. I can't say that I'm not upset, but I think I'm now at peace about the whole thing. Granted I think this war is about a personal vendetta and I think our President is an incompetent prick but I respect him as a person (as hard as that is to say) and I respect his decision to send our troops to Iraq (even though it's the stupidest thing I've ever heard). All I can do at this point is pray for his (and the other troops) safety. God Bless our Troops.

G'day folks,

Lady Doss


P.S. I don't know what happened to my formatting at the end...and I don't feel like trying to fix it...it still reads the same. lol

You can find it in the A...

So I haven't blogged in a while and it's honestly b/c I didn't have much to write about. My life was in a 'lull' for a few weeks filled with nothing but waking up, going to work, getting off, cooking dinner, & going to bed. Nothing thrilling at all...up untillllllllllllllllllllllllllll YESTERDAY. Only in Atlanta will things like this happen:

1. So I'm walking to the bank yesterday....minding my own dang business and enjoying my ice cold 12 oz Sprite when this oompaloompa looking Wizard of Oz munchkin height having man walks up to me and says *drumroll* "What's up shawty (shorty)?" In disbelief I say "how ironic..." (it's dripping with sarcasm). He says "What's that?" (as in what's ironic) I say "the fact that you are a grown man who stand less than 5 feet tall and you had the NERVE to call ME shorty." The funny part about this was I looked over my sunglasses and down at him when I said it. I still had my straw in my mouth and I stopped midsip to say it. Ya'll had to have been there...I had to chuckle at my dang self. He was apparently offended b/c he immediately called me a bitch and walked off. Unaffected I continued on my merry little way...Men. *smh*

2. So this morning (again minding my own business) this little old lady named Maime acting a straight fool on the elevator from the train station. A little background about Maime....she's really outspoken and loud. She also doesn't care what she says and who hears it. You think I'm bad? Naw, meet Maime. She works in 'facilities management' here in the GP building (which I think is a crock - her ass is a janitor, all those unnecessary syllables are extra. Call it what it is...) Anyhow, while we're waiting for the elevator she's talking to another man of African descent about how she doesn't vote for people just b/c they are black (as if anyone asked why she voted for who) and he's so ambivalent that it's not even funny. She then goes on to tell him that Joseph P Lowery is a fool b/c he spoke out against Yolanda King being cremated. Then she goes on about Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. I'm like "Lord don't let her ask me anything b/c I really don't want to go "Black Power" with this woman." God really does answer prayers b/c when I put on my sunglasses (in this dark train station might I add) she got the hint and focused on ol' dude. THEN (this takes the cake) we get on the elevator and there are two men of hmm...American descent (?) on the elevator only they don't get off. This is alarming b/c there are only two floors (the street and the concourse). She says "Well aint you gettin off?" They were like "No ma'am." (It's quite clear that they are landscaping workers or something of the sort so to me I'm like 'ok' they must have gotten on the wrong elevator and need to go back up...fine by me. I go ahead and step on...she doesn't) Then Maime proceeds to study each man from head to toe and grunts "hmph"...she says "I gotta make sure you white men don't plan to kill us black people." She reads each man's name badge "Robert Hull and ..." (well I don't remember the other one's name). THEN she turns each man around noting the 'shape of their heads' and what they are 'warin' (wearing) saying "Ima remember what ya'll look like...you know white folks say black folks all look alike but shiiiiid ya'll look alike too." I swear if I could have I would have turned beet red b/c these men are looking at me like 'get your grandma...please?' I give them a ' I don't know this damn woman ' shrug and sip my coffee. Just when I think she's finished she blurts out 'I hope ya'll got a back up plan for work b/c when they pass the bill to let all them Mexicans work here ya'll aint gone have no jobs." If I had not had on my sunglasses my eyes would have popped out of my damn head...I swear. Robert's reply was 'Well sister you got THAT right..." (Why did he call her sister?) Maime says ' We can agree but I aint yo damn sister.' I'm praying 'Lord....let these doors open so I can get the hell away from these people' (and yes that's exactly how I prayed it). Just then *ding* the doors open...I nearly take off running (in my stilettos might I add) thinking..."only in the A....ONLY in the A"

G' day folks!

Signed,

Lady Doss (who doesn't want to go to Nashville after work today b/c the ride is so long but she wouldn't dream of missing the chance to say goodbye to her solider who is being deployed and may not come back b/c of Bush and his stupid grudge against God only knows who.)