It Is 4 O'Clock In The Morning... Do YOU Know Where Your Mate Is?

It’s 4 o'clock in the damn morning... 

Do you know where your mate is? I've noticed lately that a lot of people become extremely comfortable and complacent once the person they tried so hard to get decides that they'll be gotten (lol). What is it about relationships and commitments (marriages included) that make people decide that the goal has been reached and thus there is no reason to do what it took to get the person they have? I'd even venture to say that falling "in love" is sometimes the most damaging thing a couple can do? Why? 

Easy. People treat courting and relationships like a weight loss challenge. They set a goal, work hard to achieve said goal, and then STOP everything they were doing to get there. Well we all know what happens when you do that right? You get fat all over again. Apply that to relationships these days. We spot our dream come true. We buy her flowers. We cook him all his favorite dishes. We send her sweet text messages. We show him how grateful we are to have him... and then... they say, "Yes, I'll be your girl/boyfriend or husband/wife."  

*record scratch*

All of a sudden everything that we did to get them goes flying out the door and eventually so does the person you worked so hard to get. You have 4am moments where you can't pinpoint where he or she is. We must not forget that it's human nature to follow the euphoric feeling of love and loving. If we aren't getting that "high" from the initial source we go find someone or something that can provide that feeling be it real or fake. I should know. I’ve done it. Yup. Guilty as charged. 

Complacency like many other relationship problems is like the plague. You catch it. It spreads. You don't hear it or see it and by the time you realize what is happening the damage is done. It is so easy to fall into a daily routine and just forget what relationships are all about. With soooooo much to do we tend to forget that relationships, like everything else in life, have to be worked at and nurtured. We fail to make time for our partners and when we do it's some afterthought at the end of a long hard day when we lack the energy to show how much we love and appreciate each other.

When partners (especially women) begin to feel neglected they often start with the subtle hint that they feel that they aren't important any more. They may tweet that they feel unloved. They may update their Facebook status to reflect their feelings of undervalue. Boredom with the daily routine sets in. And so it begins...

It is 4’oclock in the morning…Do you REALLY know where your mate is?

It is all too easy to brush aside their innuendos. You just assume that they know you love them and expect them to understand that you are tired. You assume they understand that you don't have the time and before you realize…

It is 4’oclock in the morning…Do you honestly know where your mate is?

Continuing to ignore these signs can become a very clear indication to your partner that your “life” without them is more important than your “life” with them. After a while it won't matter that you are busy and important at work or that the duties and responsibilities of friendships and extracurricular activities are getting in the way, they will just see this big neon sign saying 'you don't love me any more' and at 4 o’clock in the morning you will roll over and your mate isn’t there. You will start to call and get no answer. You will notice that the subtle pleas have stopped. Then? It’s too late.

It is critical that no matter what life throws at us we show our partners we value them in our lives every day of our lives. Relationship problems like complacency, boredom, jealousy, lack of trust and even infidelity tend to appear out of nowhere and just like that what we worked for and what we have enjoyed can crumble away before our very eyes.

How can we combat stale relationship syndrome? That’s easy. Just never become complacent. All it takes is those small gestures, nothing fancy, nothing time consuming, nothing expensive just small and thoughtful little gestures that show love, respect and affection for each other. Or you can look at your clock… see it’s 4am …and wonder where your mate is. Take your pick.