Sex? Me? Sex Me? I Think I Just... Might.

In today's society I think people are down right confused about sex and sexuality. I don't mean whether they like men or women or men who dress as women or women who dress as men or whatever. I mean, people don't know IF they want to have sex and WHY they want or don't want to do it. I've heard more people than I can count announce "I'm celibate" and I have a burning to ask them "well why?" For some odd reason I get the feeling that they haven't the slightest idea why they want to be "celibate" or what it even means... other than it sounds really "good" (to them) to say it. I have a HUGE issue with those people (who am I? Well nobody in the grand scheme of things but...hey).


First, most of us aren't celibate. Period. We use "celibate" and "abstain" interchangeably but in actuality they aren't exactly synonymous. "Celibacy" is the absence of SEX period. All forms of sexual activity. Now *intense stare and eyebrow raise* after knowing the real deal definition, how many of you can honestly say you are "celibate?" I'd venture to say... MAYBE 1% of US and I'm being generous. If you've ever had sex before? If you've ever experienced that euphoric feeling of an orgasm? If you ever self satisfy? If you ever dream of the things you and Superhead or Mr Marcus could do in private? You aren't celibate. 


"Abstinence," however, is the absence of sexual intercourse (even if said person is married - YES a married person can "abstain".) In the book The New Celibacy, Gabrielle Brown says that "abstinence is a response on the outside to what's going on, and celibacy is a response from the inside."According to this definition, celibacy is much more than not having sex. It is more intentional than abstinence, and its goal is personal growth and empowerment NOT saving your "goodies" (used or otherwise) for "the one." Edgy enough? 


I'm sure some of you are like, well if I've had sex before why can't I then decide that I want to be a "born again virgin" or "become celibate?" In my opinion you can't. It's impossible because I believe in soul ties. Spiritually speaking, a soul tie is the bonding or knitting of two souls that can either bring tremendous blessings or tremendous destruction. What's the variable? The PERSON you choose to tie your soul with. I believe when you have sex with a person (intercourse/phone/cyber/etc) the feelings normally reserved for two people who have more than a sexual attraction to each other (ideally married) are tapped into and creating a mysterious (of sorts) lifelong knit to that person. When you experience this act with more than one (or 10 20 30... and so on) think about the knot you have created? Think about how frustrating it is to untangle Christmas lights when the time comes to reveal them to the place (the tree) they are actually supposed to be on? How many times have you said, "had I left them in the package and not opened them this would be a lot easier?" I'm paraphrasing for the sake of illustration but think about it? Why create a big mess when it can be avoided?


Am I advocating waiting until marriage to have sex? Not exactly, I try not to be hypocritical. I'm human and sometimes fall into desires of the flesh. Lust... is a desire of the flesh. Lust... is a sexual activity. 


The next time you lay down with someone ask yourself is this person someone I want to be entangled with forever? If you can't honestly say yes. Get up... and RUN. (The Bible did say FLEE sin didn't it?)


G'day folks,


Elle

Heart Attack

http://www.chatkafeonline.com/profiles/blogs/heart-attack-by-elle-nicole

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Heart Attack 

by Elle Nicole Andrews

Whether we chose to acknowledge it or not there is no one type of heart. As a matter of fact there are probably more types than I can ever come up with but thanks to Rev. Johnny Parker I have honed in on three of them.  At my church we are in the midst of a series entitled, “Building Relationships That Last & Work.”  We’ve focused on God’s purpose for relationships, why He designed them, and what we can do to sustain them.  What we should do seems like a no brainer, but with the divorce rate higher than it has ever been in decades series like these are a must. I have my opinions on what makes marriage work… after all I’ve been there and divorced as a result of not doing what I know is right but I’ll stay away from my opinions and stick to the facts.

Misidentifying the type of heart you possess can in fact ruin an otherwise healthy relationship or keep you from entering one to begin with. The first type of heart, the validation one, is the one that I’ve been known to suffer with. How many of you have uttered the phrase, “I’m so hungry that I could eat a/an ” The same holds true for the validation heart. This heart seeks approval and validation from their mate and as a result will eat anything that is thrown at it. This heart starves for attention and often times a person with this heart can be lead to a life of promiscuity and failed relationships.

Next, is the judgmental heart. This heart is the one that we all tend to want to shy away from. This heart opens the door for masks and dishonesty. A person with a judgmental heart is hard to love because the lover is afraid of being his or herself. I’ve been in situations where I’ve been downright afraid to be transparent because of the repercussions of doing so. Out of these experiences I coined and now live by the mantra, “love me or hate me… I’m me unapologetically.”

Lastly, there is the wounded heart. This is the heart that is the eternal bleeding one; the heart that cannot properly heal. This is the person who is weary of love and loving again. He/she is what is classically defined as bitter by everyone but themselves. To them? They are being cautious. After all the risk of being hurt again is greater than the benefit of being loved completely and unconditionally. According to, Dr. Parker , the issue here isn’t the wounded heart but more so the unhealthy healing of said heart.

Which heart do you identify most with? What can you do to cultivate healthy relationships in spite of your heart? Are you willing to love again? I know I am…

*dead*

Can you imagine what the world would be like if everyone were dead? Or what about if every time we typed the word *dead* on Twitter we actually died? What if every time we said "I'm dead" in response to something someone said we just gave up the ghost?

Last night in church I pondered this very fact. The teaching was centered around forming and maintaining healthy relationships and one of the key factors to doing this was "dying to self."

(*side note* For some reason this has been a central theme in my life lately. I never realized JUST how self centered I was until the events of the past week or so. God is really working on that in me. No really.)

Anyway, where was I? Oh dying to self *dead*.

I couldn't figure out why it was important to "die to self" because in theory we are taught to self identify because without that we'll become lost in someone else. Then it hit me... there's NOTHING wrong with this. As a matter of fact in Galations 2:20 it tells us to do just that. For some of us this is a one time deal. We accept Christ, die to ourselves, and become a new creature in Him. For MOST of us this is a daily process. I know it is for me. I wake up and have to literally ask God to kill the ME in Him and awaken the HIM in me. It's not easy to do and for a long time it didn't matter to me one way or the other.... until I realized that DEAD PEOPLE HAVE NO AGENDA. Nothing that happens on this Earth matters to them. They are not moved by pain, strife, sickness, frustration, lack, and so on. This is important as a believer because if we die to the FLESH and accept the Him in us the "world" wont bother us. We recognize that it's not about us anyway and as such are able to carry on daily.

As I've said before there's always two ways to do what God has called you to do. One of them just hurts a little more than the other. I have an illustration that says exactly that:

1.2. 

3.4.   

5.6.

7.8.  

9.10.  

11.12.

Now what? Or even this one...

(This is one is small but the captions say "ow" when the character is hit in the head with a pebble. He then asks "Why me?" The Last one is of Jesus protecting him from the storm of rocks and Him saying "I let one slip... you sure you'll be ok?" )

If you are having trouble dying to yourself I have a small word of advice. Read this and die.

Good Day Folks,

Me. 

Galations 2:20 (The Message):

What actually took place is this: I tried keeping rules and working my head off to please God, and it didn't work. So I quit being a "law man" so that I could be God's man. Christ's life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not "mine," but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going to go back on that.
   Is it not clear to you that to go back to that old rule-keeping, peer-pleasing religion would be an abandonment of everything personal and free in my relationship with God? I refuse to do that, to repudiate God's grace. If a living relationship with God could come by rule-keeping, then Christ died unnecessarily.

Doors

So today I discovered something that probably has happened a million times I just never really paid attention to it.  I’ve gotten so used to doors automatically opening for me that when I left CVS I stood at the door thinking it was going to open FOR me. Of course I stood there looking like an idiot until I realized, “DUH I have to PUSH the door open to go through it.” I fixed my mouth to say “I hate it when doors don’t automatically open…” but before I could say a word I just laughed. When I’m really in tune with God every little thing becomes a ministry opportunity. Today this was it.

As I was driving back to the office it hit me… ALL doors require action. All of them. There’s not a door that you can get through without moving. Some doors require a knock to go through. Some doors require a door knob turn to go through. Some only require that desire to go through it is sensed but either way to get to and through a door you must MOVE. I think we, as believers, sometimes forget this small requirement. We are so conditioned to ‘praises going up’ and ‘blessings coming down’ that we forget that faith without works is dead. You can’t expect God to open a door for you and you not have the desire to walk through it. To me that’s an irrational line of thinking.

Don’t believe me? Read the book of ACTS ß in the Bible. The entire book is based on action and/or reaction. It’ll bless you.

Good Day Folks,

Writing Again Cus That’s What My Abba Requires Me To Do

I See Things

Remember the post on my life being a movie? Again, I'm SURE of this fact. There are things that God permits to happen (notice my wording b/c I now understand WHY and WHO lets these things go on) that are ONLY so He can get His Glory from me. I have a ministry in me I'm just stubborn at times and use the excuse "I can't hear" to mask it and not do it. TIME-OUT for that there. God I surrender to you and your Will. Whatever it is that you have planned for me to do... Here I am. Selah.

So let me tell you a story about the something I witnessed. Last night we were on the way home from South Carolina but before I could get on the road back to D.C. I had to take my brother 90 miles outside of my route to pick up his things from my mothers house. (This is important to establish timing... had this not happened I would have never saw what I needed to see) This irked me to no end because he'd bounced back and forth for an ENTIRE hour about whether or not he was going to come up with me. I was "walking out the door" at 5PM and at SIX PM we were still standing around trying to make a decision. As you all know I'm extremely controlling and hate it when things don't go my way. When I have a plan I want to stick to it... it's a character flaw called arrogance. Thanks to my Pastor John Jenkins, Sr I now know this. He's called me out TWICE on it and had I listened the first time I probably wouldn't have situations created to bring me down a notch or 5. I can admit this... I digress.

Anyway, he FINALLY decided that he would come with me to D.C. we got on the road to my moms and she called. "When you guys get to the house.. .stick around for a bit, I want to take a picture before you leave. We're right behind you." THIS ticked me off even more because I a) knew that she wasn't right behind us literally OR figuratively & b) we'd have to wait some more to get to D.C. Of course I cussed (when I hung up) but I was obedient. We got to her house, he packed his things into my car, and we waited. When my mom got there we said our goodbyes and for the first time in a very long time I prayed before we started driving. Now, I always talk to Abba (especially while traveling) but this time I stopped, asked His will to be done, and to get us home safely.

The drive started off just like any normal road trip would. Traffic was light and the speed limit was 70 which meant cruise control was in full effect. About an hour and fifteen minutes into our trip I noticed a brown/metallic colored Honda Accord speeding around everyone and everything. My assumption was that since said car was behind us that he/she was just trying to get home in a hurry. I don't understand the concept of speeding (that's why I stopped doing it....so much) but I was in the "slow lane" so if he/she needed to pass me they could. As the car got closer I could see that the driver's face was illuminated in the rear view and side view mirrors. She was texting and driving (erratically might I add). I literally said "wow she needs to cut that out... there are probably cops EVERYWHERE tonight." She sped around us, cut us off, tailgated the white Tahoe in front of us, sped around them... and over corrected. All I could see was that honda flying off the side of the road then flipping at least 4 or 5 times. The car came to a stop as we sped past...the Tahoe pulled over and we did too. My brother (being a trained soldier) just reacted. Seeing him in action made me respect him more than I already did. He and the driver of the Tahoe (which we would later find out is also a solider) both ran into a dark field in shorts and tee shirts. All I could hear was screaming from both the Honda and the Tahoe (there was a toddler in the truck). Then all of a sudden everything went quiet. It was an eerie silence considering everything that was going on around me. God had my attention.

We dialed 911 and tried to explain to the operator what just happened and where we were. The what was easy... the where not so much. It was dark, neither of the women left on the side of the road (while the men attempted to figure out if the driver of the car was alive) were in familiar territory. The operator couldn't pick up a GPS location from her cell so I called... they couldn't pick up a location from mine either. My navigation in the car was "searching for a signal"... the ONLY thing that would work was Twitter. I wont lie, the very first thing that went through my mind is... I can't tweet for help, people will think it's a joke and not respond (or something like that). That was a split second thought and I tweeted for help. All I knew was the signs I'd passed a little while back said Florence was in 10 miles. I knew we hadn't gone 10 miles since that sign but I was scared out of my mind so I couldn't think straight. This response came:

tweetdeez2 

  

@aRHOgant_Elle i just googled the SC Highway patrol & it shows on their site : DARLINGTON I20E [DARLINGTON COUNTY] x[BETW MM136/137]


In order to get that information I had to attempt to send my location via BBM to someone and the view the link to it. I couldn't so I tweeted it. Thank GOD someone was paying attention. The ambulance finally arrived and the men came back from the field. There wasn't anything further they could do so the paramedics took over. My brother said the first thing that came out of her mouth was, "you think I'll get a DUI?" and she passed out. She was drunk. He said he could smell the alcohol on her breath. All I could do was WOW. She wasn't doing ANYTHING that I hadn't done before. Yet, I was spared. Coincidence? I think not. It never is. 


Once we were back on the road I couldn't help but ask for a "why." There's ALWAYS a lesson in the things that I see... it's just up to me to acknowledge what's being said. After getting home at 5am and attempting to sleep... I sat straight up in my bed and shook my head. God revealed what He was showing me. I believe in signs... even the ones you can't always see. The accident happened between mile marker 13SIX and 13SEVEN. Coincidence? I think not. It never is. The number six represents "imperfection" spiritually. The number seven represents "completion" or "spiritual perfection." Here I was, halfway between 6 and 7. I could SEE exit 137. I knew it was there. I just couldn't decipher what was next. I never paid attention as I sped past exit 136 so I really and truly didn't know where I was or how CLOSE I was to  the next exit (the exit that I really wanted to see.) I'd witnessed a horrible crash and in searching everywhere there was no help except in the place I didn't want to go in the first place. When help finally came my human imperfection side showed up. I got angry that this person was drinking texting and driving. 

STAY WITH ME... I'M GOING SOMEWHERE

GOD... was showing me exactly where I'm headed. I'm imperfect in many ways. I'll never BE perfect but my call is to strive to be more like Him who is. I'm right between where I want to be and where I need to be. Exit 136 is comfortable. I think I can handle the speeding bullet of being in ministry and texting while drunk (ie: doing what the world is doing at the same time) only God is showing me that if I don't pay attention to the path and stay alert? I'm going to crash... and hard. I wont be able to find anyone to help either until I come back to Him. I'm almost there... I'm putting the phone down. I'm not allowing myself to be impaired any longer. I see it... I'm on my way.

As we were on our way away from the scene... passing exit 137 my brother said while pointing, "that's the exit she was trying to get to." 

I hear you Abba. Loud and clear.

Good Day Folks,

Me.