Aint Nobody Tol' Me Nuthin!

Today I was thinking about how there are so many things that I WISH someone would have given me a heads up on before I began to walk into those situations. As a parent, I now strive to ensure that my children are as educated about life as they can possibly be. With that being said here are a few of those things that I wish I'd known sooner:

1. Love THY self - Ok this one seems simple enough right? Yeah I thought so too... ONCE I got the hang of it. Sadly, I was well into my 20s before I figured out this concept. (For those of you who know how old I am... you're probably like "she just entered her 'well into 20s years'... you're right, that means I JUST figured out to love my OWN self. See the trick to loving anyone else is loving yourself first. A lot of people pour more into other people while neglecting their own well being. Been there done that... and now I'm sharing with you to not do it. Sometimes it's perfectly ok to be selfish as long as that selfishness isn't detrimental to your relationship with God (first) and family (second).

2. You only have ONE reputation - This goes hand in hand with loving yourself. I've made some serious mistakes in life. As a matter of fact I would venture to say that if it weren't for God I'd be a disease riddled, felon, in a pine box, buried in someones back yard. REAL TALK. Young ladies, don't do anything that you will be ashamed to admit later. That older guy on campus? (You know.. the football player with the million dollar smile?) Tell him to pop CeCe Penistons cd in and "keep on walkin." Yield not to temptation people... for temptation can ruin your reputation (often times before you even realize what hit you).

3. Your credit is more important that any other "thing" on Earth - Luckily I had the sense to read up on this credit thing and learn the ropes because prior to my early twenties I had NO idea what credit was and why I needed it. You see credit at a young age is easy to obtain and even easier to ruin. The bad part is, no one tells you anything about it until it's completely ruined and they want to help you "fix" it. Truth me told, there's no real "fix" to credit but time and discipline. Take it from me... just do right the FIRST time.

4. Marriage is HARD - I don't mean like Calculus hard. I mean like solving the nuclear code hard (is that even possible?) I mean like stubbing your pinky toe for the 3rd time on the SAME bed that has been there for years and now you want to cuss but you're trying to stop hard. I mean loving and hating someone at the same time hard. I mean Jesus be a fence all around me HARD! Don't let the tv shows fool ya. Weddings are nice... weddings are pretty... but no amount of money spent on an extravagant ceremony will prepare you for what happens after you say "I do." I would offer the key to keeping a marriage together and making it easier... but truth me told I'm still looking for it. Anyone have it? (and I don't mean something you THINK will work) Please feel free to let a sista know. As for now? I'll keep working.

5. If someone shows you who they are... believe them - I don't mean that people don't change. I mean... if someone is consistently one way when you're around them best believe when you're gone they are the EXACT same way. For example, the very same people that you sit around and talk about others with talk about you as SOON as you leave the room. That's life... that's how it works... so again: LISTEN WHEN PEOPLE ARE TELLING YOU WHO THEY ARE. (I'm guilty of the same thing... that's how I know)

6. True friends don't have to tell you they are true friends - I swear if I hear one more person feel the need to announce how great of a friend they are I'll probably scream. Most of the time? Your true friends are the ones you least expect. They are the ones interceding for you and you don't even know it. They are the ones defending you when your announcy "friends" are dogging you behind your back. They are the ones who'll slide the money for the bill you can't pay to the bill collector and never say a word about it... THOSE are the true friends. Don't be so quick to announce your BFF to everyone.... 9 times out of 10 that person aint your friend either.

7. It's ok to say no - I had (have) this one BAD. For some reason it's just hard for me to tell folks no. Learn to be ok with saying "No, I can't" "No, I don't have it" "No, you may not". It's empowering and sometimes folks just need to be told... NO.

8. What goes on in your house/apartment/car/truck/plane/boat (you get me?) stays in that place - I believe it's human nature to want to share your issues or problems with someone (or anyone) that will listen. Often times, we like to seek those who will validate our opinions, etc about a particular situation. One word of advice? Don't. Granted I have trust issues, but I realllllly don't trust anyone but God with my deep dark secrets. I live by the philosophy - If you don't want it repeated... don't repeat it.

9. Learn to take criticism - By this I mean constructive or not... learn to accept that you aren't perfect and whether you like what's being said or not be ok with taking the information and learning with and from it. I've learned to not be offended all the time by things people say to or about me. Sometimes, I may have needed to hear that I talk too much or that my pants were too tight. I'm ok with that... you should be too.

10. Don't argue with fools - Have you ever heard the saying, "never argue with fools... because people from a distance can't tell who is who?" It's true... nuff said.

I'm sure there are more... and I'll probably add to this list for years to come... but these were just a few that came to mind as I pondered life. Feel free to add to my list. Lady Doss