Verily Verily I say unto you...

*laugh* I'm so lame, but every time I see Jesus say (you know the red print?) "I tell you the truth...." I fall out. Apparently, 'verily verily I say unto you' translates to 'I tell you the truth' and every time Jesus says it in the Bible (you know the red print?) I picture Him shaking His head and then looking the person He's speaking to directly in the eye and saying it. Boy that cracks me up...but anyhow that's not the purpose of my writing today.

I will NEVER a damn GIN get gas in the hood. Never. Never. Never. So yesterday, I'm riding in my car and notice that I'm two drops away from being on the side of the road. Now normally I wont get gas anywhere but BJ's (b/c it's quality gas for cheap - if there really IS such a thing) but when I started to weigh my options I decided that stopping for gas in the hood was a lot safer than being stranded on the side of the road in the hood. Don't get me wrong, I love my people, but you know how WE do. Thug mentality will be the death of us...but anyhow. So I stop at one Shell station owned by none other than Middle Easterners (is that racist?) and pull up to the pump. Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't pay at the pump mean...you really wanna pay at the pump, pump the gas, and get the hell on about your business? I thought so...but that aint the case in the hood. NOOOOOOO...you have to succumb to THEIR rules and regulations in the hood. I inserted my card and removed it quickly as instructed and the machine prompts me for my pin. I hit NO b/c I didn't want to put my pin in, I wanted to process it as a credit transaction. How about the machine just froze. I mean wouldn't move, wouldn't work, wouldn't do anything put keep asking me for my pin. I hit cancel...and tried again. Same thing...I tried once again...same thing. I gave up...

THEN, I get to the next Shell station owned by none other than Middle Easterners (is that racist?) and I'm thinking, well this station is on the outskirts of the hood, so maybe I wont have as MANY issues. Boy was I wrong. I get to the pump, insert and remove my card quickly as instructed and this machine prompts me to see the cashier. I REALLY didn't want to go through all that b/c I was at the furthest pump from the door, but I thought to myself "maybe this is a safety precaution. Fraud IS on the rise." I go in...and the line is just ridiculous. There are about 5 people in the line I'm in playing the lotto and scratch offs which ticks me OFF so bad I can't stand it. Quite naturally I have to wait b/c after all...getting gas in the hood is a lot safer than being stranded in the hood. The next gas station is a couple miles down and I don't want to take the chance. When I get to the window the guy just looks at me and blinks. I'm like...*blink back* so we stand there having a blink conversation for a good thirty seconds before I realize that he doesn't speak a LICK of English. The other guy walks over behind him and asks if he can help me. Clearly perturbed I answer, "I'd just like to get some gas." He says "How much?" I say "I'd LIKE to fill up and typically that total varies from transaction to transaction." He says "Ok..." and proceeds to authorize ONE HUNDRED DAMN DOLLARS on my card. What in the hell!??!?! "I say, does it LOOK like it'll take $100 to fill up my car? Please cancel that transaction." I turn to leave and he says, "no wait, I do fifty." I'm like ok whatever...he then says "but you have to come back when you finish so I can make sure you no get more than fifty." I said, "well you can cancel this one too, I don't have time to go back and forth with you, I just want some damn gas." He says "ok ok ok...you no have to come back, just for you k?" I roll my eyes and go pump my damn gas...but get this, he stops the pump at $49.99 to make SURE I'm not going to steal any gas from his damn store. I just look at the window where he is (of course smiling and waving) and shake my head. THIS is why I will never get any gas in the hood again. It's just too much and I clearly am not built for all those shenanigans for a tank of damn gas. Of course it could have been worse...I could've been stranded in the hood, and that's not safe.

G'Day Folks,

Lady Doss