Sometimes I really have to pray and ask God to not take His hands away from me. Every since we went to church on Sunday I have been battling the devil. It's almost as if I have a nice angel on one shoulder and a bad angel on the other. I know what the Word of God says so I understand WHY I'm going through what I'm going through. I just don't WANT to go through what I'm going through. I can say that I'm glad I have an outlet to keep me from going in the wrong direction. Writing really is therapeutic.
Something that's really bothering me is my job. If you've read ANY of my blogs you can almost put money on the fact that this isn't the easy place for a saved person to work. Ray Charles could see that...and he's dead. Shucks when he was alive he was blind...so it MUST be easy to see. Right? Anyway, I'm just so tired of the environment and I'm waiting on God to tell me why I'm here or IF I should be here in the first place. I know, at times, we are placed in situations so that others may see God in us and believe you me...I've tried but (<--there's that word again) it's hard trying to be the light in darkness when the darkness is so overwhelming. There is ONE person in this whole office that's saved, and even I question that. I mean I know she GOES to church but I don't know if she's going for the man of the hour or to seek God. (It's not my place to wonder though...so anyhow) I want so badly to have the relationship I had with God but I'm just so lost as to where to start. I know getting back into fellowship is a good start but I know it's going to take much much more than that to actually make it...especially if I'm still working here. I want so badly to just walk out on faith but I have to be responsible for my family. That really sounds crazy seeing as if I have the faith to believe it He will do it...I'm just so confused. I know God wont put me in a position to be in total despair but sometimes I have to wonder if He'll allow me to put MYSELF there. I'm trying to figure out if not listening and waiting on God is the reason I'm here or what...*sigh* I know what I need to do...
Dear God,
I need you. I ask that you dwell in me like never before. I realize that I can't live without you and I can't make it on my own. Save me God...save me from ME God. There are things that are in me that aren't like You and I ask you to remove them from me. Make me whole again. But God I also want to thank You for doing what I just asked, for I know if I have the faith to speak it..it's already done. Give me the strength to make it through this day and the wisdom to discern your Word from the world's word. I am yours Lord and if it takes you breaking me and starting me all over again, I submit. And Lord, when I feel like straying away show me this prayer Lord so that I can stay on track. Thank you for your sacrifice of your Son for my sins. Forgive me Father....
Amen
Lady Doss
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About Me
- LNA
- A self professed “Grace Case,” Elle is a 29 year old accomplished writer. Having written and been featured in national magazines such as Essence, her unique writing style has been said to be “thought provoking” and “more emotional than most.” She believes in being an open book and through that prays that her life experiences help others avoid the mistakes she’s made and overcome. As such, her memoir “Loving Me In Spite of Me” is filled with life lessons and coping mechanisms. Her mantra “love me or hate me… I’m me unapologetically” has helped define her writing style.
It's sad to think that this is the situation in today's society...but I feel that if one does not struggle for growth, than how can one measure how much they have grown in their relationship with God? The land may be barren now, but there is life underneath yet. Those tears are living water.
ReplyDeleteYou're in my prayers...very powerful blog, Mrs. Doss.