Life...

Yanno, there is so much I want out of life but the part that sucks is...I have no idea what those things are. I think that's God's way of telling me to "shut up and listen" so that He can guide me according to His plan. I think I'm at a point in my life where if I DON'T start listening to Him I'm going to regret it. With that being said, I've really gotten serious about what His word says for me. It's hard and I knew that as soon as I stopped entertaining Satan and his temptations that he would try even harder to get my attention. I'm just so thankful for God and His mercy because although Donnie nem said "we fall down but we get up" I don't think he meant "we fall down 8 million times per day and although we as sinnners abuse the fact that God is going to pick us bak up again He continues to do it" (or then again maybe he did).

Another thing I'm GRA8FL for is my new friendship with the Mitchells. It kinda sucks that they live so far away, but I'm sure if it's in His plan for them to move closer that's exactly what will happen. There was a point in life where I didn't think we'd ever find true friends again (considering how we'd managed to screw up past relationships) and lo and behold here comes Kish and Ant. It's funny though because when she came up to me on the ship and asked if my name was "Tonya" (and I knew she meant Tasha but had forgot - I was being my usual assholish stuck up self) I'd never imagine in a million years that I'd be calling her "friend". I've learned to reserve that title for those who genuinely respect and deserve that title and she is just that. I love her to pieces (her and Smiley - her hubby). I see great things in the future for our friendship and God, for that, Thanks.

So I took a job without consulting God about it and I'm really happy He allowed the greater opportunity to shine through anyway. It's kinda tacky to leave a job after only being there a month, but what God has for me is for me, right? Right. The only part I'm struggling with is, how to give my notice. I've been sick all week and my prayer is that I'm better by morning. If not, it'll be easy to make my transition to the new gig. I'll just let them know that I've been sick and wont be returning. If I feel better tomorrow I will go in and let them know that my last day will be Friday. As cut throat as that sounds, I'm at the point where I'd rather not waste anyone's time anymore. That's just a battle I'll have to face for not listening (or seeking) God in the first place.

Speaking of God and seeking Him. I went back to Bible study last week. I went alone and it was really nice to worship without distraction. I never realized just how distracting taking your family to church can be. Now that's not to say that I wont be taking the kids and spouse to church with me, but I sure will be utilizing the nursery facilities more often. I may even have to ignore the man sitting beside me b/c quite frankly sometimes he takes my breath away. :)

We spent the day together today and it was really nice. (Well we kinda spent the day together...it was mostly me running back and forth to the bathroom and whining but it was nice nonetheless. I was so happy when he said he'd stay home and take care of me today. He's actually gone to get food (that I probably wont be able to eat) right now and it really made me smile when he offered to go get it. Yannno, sometimes he takes my breath away. :)

The kids have been gone for a week now and I can't say I miss them just yet. This break was WELL needed and although I'm ready to see them, I'm not rushing their arrival just yet. I really take my hat off to single mothers. If I were in a situation where I ended up a single parent, God help.

Well I think I hear the garage door opening...that means my hubby is back.

G'Night Folks,

Lady Doss

Damn Deer - Part II

If you've been a follower of my blog for a while then you know how much I abhor deer. Well I'll be damned if I didn't go running yesterday night (lol) and got chased by one. Now I'm sure you're all like "Chased Lady Doss?" and dammit I'm like yeah "chased."


See we moved to the CUN-TREE so deer are a common occurrence around here. I was under the impression that they roam around at night, and I can be ok with that b/c at night guess where I am??? In the damn house. However, THIS deer decided he/she wanted to eat grass in broad daylight. So I'm coming around getting my run on, IPOD on full blast, breaking a small sweat when BAM there's a deer standing across the street looking at me (like I was the one out of place or some shit). I immediately froze, paused my IPOD (more like yanked the buds out of my ears and put it in my pocket - hell I didn't want to provoke the thing with rap music or anything like that)


Anyway, I didn't know what to do so I started to walk a lil bit, that lil fucker did too...I picked up the pace...and he did too...he would never cross the street to my side though. So I picked up my phone and called my friend like "ok..this deer is going to get me, what do I do?" She was very comforting and didn't laugh so I was ok. She was like "just keep walking and don't look at it" (Good advice since I'd never taken my eyes off that lil bastard the whole time). She was like "it can sense your fear so don't let it know you're afraid and you'll be ok." Apparently she was on to something b/c as soon as I walked away, it went back to nibbling on grass or whatever it was doing before I came along. I'll bet I wont be doing anymore running around here anymore though. Hell no.

Happy Saturday Folks,

Lady Doss

Glass Half Empty...

I'm really beginning to dislike folks who never see the bright side of things. I mean ok YOU want to be all gloom and doom but quit tryin to spread that shit to everyone around you. Uggh.

For those of you who have been following my Facebook status you know how frustrated I have been lately with wanting to pursue a passion of mine. Everybody knows that I love to cook and want to one day own a restaurant that features my homestyle cooking recipes. Considering the economy sucks I've been entertaining making my "famous" macaroni and cheese on a per order basis. I mean $10 a pop for a pan of man n cheese isn't bad (considering it takes that much to actually make it the right way) and I'd also be able to get my "name" out there as a cook. There are a lot of people who are like "Oh Lady Doss go for it...I'd support" but I still don't have 100% suppport (not that I'm naiive enough to think I'm going to). It really sucks that some people don't see any benefit in anything. I mean don't you get tired of a cloud being over everything you do and everywhere you go? Goodness!

With that being said...I can't wait on someone to fulfill my dreams for me. I have to act on it while God still has me here. Yesterday we met our neighbor who is opening her own J R Crickets (at the corner of Campbellton Road and Camp Creek Parkway - near the CVS in South Atlanta) and I applaud her. I'm so proud of her as a young woman that I can't begin to express it. I'm going to support her as much as I possibly can, why? Because she deserves people in her corner no matter how "crazy" it may sound or how much you may not agree with her venture. As a mattafack I'm going to be the first one in line on opening day to get me a plate of wings...and I don't even LIKE J R Crickets' wings. I want to see her succeed and I pray that her success will ultimately lead to mine.

Now anyone want a pan of mac n cheese for $10? Hit me up!

Lady Doss

I have issues...but God told me it's ok.

So lately I've been examining myself and I've come to the conclusion that I have major issues. For as long as I can remember I've always tried to keep up with everyone else. I've always had a feeling of "less than" and dammit, I think I'm tired of it. I'm slowly teaching myself that it doesn't matter what other people think about how I look, what I drive, where I live, etc. I yearn for the day when I can wake up and geniunely not give a damn what someone is thinking when I walk by. I'm a long way away from it...but at least I know where the problem lies and have the desire to fix it.

I'm trying to go back in my history to define that moment when shit like this started to matter and I think I can pinpoint it. You see, when I was younger I didn't have normal shit like hot meals and snacks. I just had to go without...I spent my dinner evenings at the Butlers or Ms Berry's house at their table if I was lucky. To this day I hate one ply tissue and paper towels b/c I was teased so bad as a kid for "not being able" to afford two ply. Kids can be so cruel...can't they?

I now find myself wanting people to think of me as better than I really am, I want people to see me as someone who has everything they need and it's gotten me to the point where I don't even know myself anymore. I want NOT to care, but it's SO hard. I keep hearing those mean ass kids teasing and taunting me and I don't want my children to endure the same thing. The same thing holds true for friends and relationships. I was never "popular" or with the "in" crowd at school (mainly b/c I didn't look or couldn't dress the part) so now as an adult I thrive on relationships with people I "think" are in. I get excited just knowing that the "in" people "like" me...and it's kinda sad to a point. I'm thankful to be accepted but at the same time it's quite sad that I need acceptance that bad.

Of couse one would ask "why the heck would you write about something so sensative and private?" The answer isn't clear actually, I've just been thinking about this and some decisions I've made in the past to "keep up" and I knew I had to get this off my chest. God isn't through with me yet...and I make it my business to say that all the time, but Lord when will this feeling go away? Why do I have to burst my own bubble sometimes? Why can't I just...*sigh*

I dunno...I really don't.

Lady Doss

I wanted to do hoodrat things...

Yeah so I hadn't planned to blog until I saw this shit HERE:

http://www.cnn.com/video/?/video/us/2008/04/26/pkg.seven.stolen.car.wpbf

What in the HELL is wrong with children nowadays? Even more so...what in the hell is wrong with parents to not beat the SHIT outta children who do things like this? Ok, now I get it...you shouldn't "whip" your children for just any ol thing b/c I'm the parent who wont hit her children (unless they steal my car and crash it a few times) but dammit I woulda beat this lil boys fat hoodrat ass in FRONNA the cops.

On a serious note though. What makes children do things like this? The lil dough boy said he was mad at his momma so he did it. That makes me wonder what Momma is (or isn't) doing that a child would feel like he has to resort to "hoodrat" shit to get her attention. I would like to pray to hope to think that she's a highly effective parent and is paying her son the most attention possible, but for some reason...I just don't quite believe so. I'm no SAINT of the Parents or anything like that but sheesh.

Anyhow...you know what else just irks the SHIT outta me? People who roll damn stop instead of just stopping at the damn sign. WOO that irritates me so. Like do people get stop and yeild signs mixed up? I can't fathom why anyone would just roll out into on coming traffic like we have magic brakes or something...and can just stop in .2 seconds to keep from crashing into them. Speaking of non driving drivers...I also get QUITE annoyed with people who never bothered to read the manual that teaches you rules of the road. For example: since when do you STOP at a blinking yellow? I mean just stop...sit there...and NOT move. Doesn't a blinking yellow mean proceed with caution? I'd like to think it does. Maybe I'm wrong...ionno.

I'm going to talk about one last rant before I go...(b/c I'm sure no one wants to read a blog full of complaints)...but I can't STAND people who don't respect your space. The funny thing is...Publix must be the breeding ground for these individuals b/c THEY are the ones who have that issue in the worst way. (which reminds me about a story I need to tell about Target) Like why do people think you're supposed to just STAND so close to the person in front of you that they can feel you breathing on the back of their neck?

So I just spent nearly an hour doing something else and lost my train of thought...maybe I'll finish this one later.

G'Day folks!

Lady Doss

P.S. I didn't feel like spell checking either...so...yeah.

A Lover not a Fighter...

Or at least I'd like to think so... but dammit if I haven't woken up for the past two days feeling like I got my ass kicked in my sleep. It's that for real soreness too...you know the kind of sore you get after your first workout of the season? Or that just fell down the steps or had a car accident sore...THAT'S what I feel like. I asked hubby was he the culprit and he said no...I guess I'll have to take his word for it.

Anyhow, today I discovered just how awkward elevator rides with strangers can be. It's like where do you look? You don't want to look at them b/c staring is rude...and you don't want to just stare straight ahead either b/c that looks weird (not to mention our elevator is mirrored so looking forward only promotes staring at the other person). If you look down that screams intimidation...so I mean what do you do? Everyone doesn't want to say good morning (I've learned that the hard way) so I just kinda stand there and pretend something is in my nails or I pretend text on my BB. It's worked so far. *shrug* Which reminds me...and ya'll KNOW how bad I hate this. WHY do people stand directly in front of the door waiting on the elevator? Even deeper...WHY do they stare at me for standing to the side and peeking in before I walk in? I mean I don't want to run anyone over that's trying to get off...I'd like to think most people want to extend that same courtesy...but apparently not.

Somethings...like that...I'll just never understand.

G'Day folks,

Lady Doss

"Excuse me? Shut the hell up please. Thanks"

Have you ever just come across somebody you wanted to shut the hell up? Well I know EYE have. So this weekend hubby and I went away to our chalet in Gatlinburg, TN. It was lovely and we had a great weekend, but there was one moment when I just wanted to ask some of my counterparts to shut the hell up. As you all may know, Gatlinburg isn't exactly the "african american mecca" or anything like that so that means WE all stick out. I'd like to think that we arent elitists but sometimes I'm just like..."wow, we reealllly don't fit in." For example, there happened to be 4 black couples in line for the chair lift. 3 of those couples were together...and there was us. Ok fine...UNTIL we started the ascent up the mountain. All of a sudden we hear "huh? what? go go go" (kind of like rap music) I'm like...oooooo boy here WE go. Hubby and I try to pretend we don't hear the madness and see the stares from people (b/c of course they assumed we were all together). THEN, one of the 'ladies' yells "Oooh gurl if I fall my baby gone get a buncha munni." WHY do our people act like this? For fear of sounding Bill Cosby'ish I'll hush and not go on about it...but I'm really confused on how the "class proportions" were divided when we were born. I mean what makes some of us sit up straight at the table and others slouch and sit with their legs open? Why do some people think it's ok to have red and yellow hair and others wouldn't be caught dead with anything other than brown or black hair? I know you can say "oh it's the culture you grew up in" or whatever, but I don't buy it. Why? I grew up in the ghetto too...and I adopted the "do better" philosophy. *shrug*

I had some reallllly interesting things to type about and in putting the kids to bed I totally forgot. Maybe tomorrow.

G'Night Folks,

Lady Doss